Ship in a Bottle

References

• Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
• Will Forte
• The Love Bug
• Captain Jake and the Never Land Pirates
• Aladdin
• Jumanji
• William Bligh
• Mutiny on the Bounty
• The Matrix
• The Island of Doctor Moreau
• Doctor Dolittle
• The Terminator
• Jinn
• Voyages of Christopher Columbus
• Bluenose
• Highlander
• Doctor Who
• The Goonies
• The Office
  • Clip: Parkour PARKOUR
• Peter and Wendy
  • Mr. Smee
• 💖 The Tale of Tiffany 💖
• A Christmas Carol
  • Jacob Marley
• Morgawr
• Baba Yaga
• Robinson Crusoe
• Tapir
• The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
• Finding ‘Ohana
• Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Transcript

[Intro music begins]

[Emily]
It makes you feel good to know that it’s going to end well.

[Thomas]
So I guess we’re going with Emily’s. All right. Well.

[Shep]
No, let’s do both.

[Emily]
It’s combined.

[Shep]
Hang on.

[Emily]
It’s not just mine. We’re letting you have input, too, Thomas.

[Shep]
Yeah. The island is from Thomas’s.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
We haven’t got to the island yet. That’s where we’re going to.

[Emily]
With the talking animals.

[Thomas]
The Island of Dr. Moreau. Got it.

[Shep]
Right. So-

[Emily]
Oh, the island of Dr. Doolittle. Come on.

[Thomas]
Oh, it is a kids’ movie. Good call. Good call.

[Intro music]

[Thomas]
Hey there, story fans. Welcome to Almost Plausible, the podcast where we take ordinary objects and turn them into movies. I’m Thomas J. Brown, and today’s object is a little less than ordinary. It’s a Ship in a Bottle. Joining me on this voyage are Emily-

[Emily]
Hey, guys.

[Thomas]
And F. Paul Shepard.

[Shep]
Happy to be here.

[Thomas]
I say less than ordinary because I feel like you don’t see ships in bottles too often. In fact, have either of you ever, ever seen a real ship in a bottle?

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Uh huh.

[Thomas]
Oh, very good.

[Shep]
The only one here who hasn’t is you.

[Thomas]
No, I’ve seen them.

[Shep]
Oh, well, then we’ve all seen them, so they’re ordinary.

[Thomas]
I wouldn’t say ordinary. They’re not like a quotidian object that you just come across all the time, although I say that, and I have a Lego ship in a bottle on my desk right in front of me right now. So.

[Shep]
So I have a friend whose dad had one on, like, his mantle, but it was the type that has very clear hinges on the masts. And it’s like, I think this is the wrong kind of bottle for the ship that has hinges. Like, you’re not supposed to see that. You’re supposed to have, like, put that in a tinted bottle so it’s harder to see, but it was, like, very visible.

[Thomas]
I’ve always wanted to put together a ship in a bottle. I think that’d be cool.

[Emily]
I think I would end up killing someone because I would get very frustrated with it.

[Thomas]
I mean, it does seem really fussy and tedious. All right, well, I’ll pitch first this week.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Lily lives in a small coastal town which survives mostly on tourism, and even that industry is waning. In the town, there’s a dusty old antique shop that Lily has never actually seen open. So when she’s walking home one evening and sees the antique store is actually open, she has to go in and check it out. The place is packed full of maritime stuff that has clearly seen better days. Lily is about to leave empty handed when a ship in a bottle catches her eye. She buys it, takes it home, and places it on her mantle. The next day, she’s inspecting her purchase and realizes the ship has a name. She looks it up and discovers a ship by the same name once belonged to a legendary pirate captain who mysteriously disappeared at sea many years ago. Lily goes on a quest for more information and eventually discovers the ship in a bottle contains a map to the pirate captain’s hidden treasure.

[Shep]
That ship’s name: The Black Pearl.

[Emily]
Mmhmm.

[Shep]
The captain? Captain Jack Sparrow!

[Emily]
No, you said it. Now that song is stuck in my head.

[Thomas]
My other pitch. While at his grandparents’ house on vacation, a young boy discovers a ship in a bottle. For some reason (that we can figure out), he takes the bottle to the beach with him. He opens the bottle, and the ship comes out, becoming a full sized ship ready to sail. When the boy climbs on board, the ship sails on its own to an uncharted island. As the boy explores the island, he comes across various animals, some of which can talk. He learns that the animals are the ship’s former crew, cursed by their greedy captain to live on the island forever as various animals. They are supposed to guard the captain’s treasure and await his return, but it has been centuries. Together, with the help of the animals, the boy must find a way to break the curse and set them all free. Along the way, he encounters challenges and obstacles that test his courage. The boy learns how to break the curse, but before he can, the pirate captain returns, alerted to his presence by (something). The boy and the animals must defeat the captain, break the curse, and sail the ship home.

[Shep]
The name of that ship. The Black Pearl. The name of that boy, Will …Forte.

[Thomas]
Ha ha.

[Shep]
What’s his name, in The Pirates of the Caribbean? I just saw it 24 years ago.

[Emily]
Shh. That’s not… No, it’s not.

[Shep]
Do you want me to look it up?

[Emily]
No, I don’t. I don’t need to know that. I don’t need to know that information, because I don’t think you’re wrong.

[Shep]

2003. So it was 21 years ago.

[Emily]
The movie’s allowed to drink now in the United States.

[Shep]
That’s where all the rum is gone.

[Thomas]
More bottles to put ships in!

[Shep]
Yes. I like this one. I mean, I’m teasing it because of The Pirates of the Caribbean crossover, but I actually like it. Talking animals. Magical realism.

[Emily]
I like talking animals.

[Shep]
The ship sails itself. It’s like it’s alive. It’s like it has a personality. It’s Herbie, the love ship.

[Thomas]
I was going to say the one from Jake and the Neverland Pirates.

[Emily]
Yeah, it’s Bucky.

[Thomas]
Yeah, Bucky, that’s it.

[Emily]
Bucky, the ship from Jake and the Neverland Pirates.

[Thomas]
All right, Emily, let’s hear what you have.

[Emily]
All right, so I have the winner tonight.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
No sarcasm, for sure. Going to pick mine.

[Shep]
Well, now we can’t pick it.

[Emily]
Exactly. A group of teens.

[Thomas]
No, wait, hold on, because she’s trying to reverse psychology us again.

[Shep]
It’s a double bluff.

[Thomas]
Is this a double bluff? I’m so confused now.

[Shep]
We’ll see if we pick it or not, and then we’ll know whether it was a scheme.

[Emily]
Ah. All right. So a group of teens begin hanging out in an abandoned house in a nearly deserted part of town. It’s private. They can do what they want without the prying eyes of parents or siblings. Mostly they just sit around and talk about unimportant things.

[Thomas]
That tracks.

[Emily]
The house is pretty ordinary and mostly empty, except for dozens of shelves filled with ships in a bottle. Clearly, the previous owner was some kind of crackpot collector. One day, the youngest kids-

[Thomas]
Sounds like a pretty cool dude to me.

[Emily]
He was.

[Thomas]
Oh, shit. Does this take place in the future? And I’m dead. And this is my old house.

[Emily]
This is your old house.

[Thomas]
Shit.

[Emily]
One day, the youngest kid-

[Thomas]
“We found a box labeled podcast episodes.”

[Emily]
“Have you guys ever heard of a pode cost?”

[Shep]
Oh, you made me cry.

[Emily]
So one day, the youngest kid starts fiddling with one of the bottles. He can see the little figurines inside, and most are just depictions of sailors doing some kind of chore. But in the window of the captain’s quarters, he sees something odd. It looks like a teenage girl. She isn’t wearing the same generic 15th or 16th century clothes as the other sailors. Nope. She’s wearing what looks like it came out of the 80s. Intrigued, he tries to rub the dust off the bottle to get a better look, but accidentally drops it and sends it crashing onto the floor. When the glass breaks, a whirlwind of dust and sand fly everywhere around the room. And suddenly, standing before our group of teenagers is a girl their age, looking very confused and relieved. They soon discover that she was the victim of a madman who had used an evil spell to trap her in the ship in the bottle.

[Shep]
That boy’s name? Aladdin. That girl’s name? Jeannie. That ship’s name? Jumanji!

[Thomas]
“You have to complete the voyage to- Oh, no. We lack the skills.” So obviously, step one is smash all the other bottles immediately. Right?

[Emily]
Right. Originally, I thought, well, that there’s going to be more, right? There’s going to be more victims, because this is clearly a serial killer who traps the souls of his victims into the ships in the bottle.

[Shep]
Well, they’re not dead if she’s out now, it’s not just her soul.

[Emily]
Right. There’s that.

[Thomas]
Well, the Jumanji aspect comes is that now that she’s released, they have a certain amount of time to do, accomplish some task before she does die.

[Emily]
Yeah, there you go. Sure.

[Thomas]
Ah, there’s a ship, a pirate crew who comes looking for her.

[Emily]
That’d be cool.

[Thomas]
So she’s been released, but they’ve been released also, and they’re trying to hunt her down. I don’t know.

[Emily]
I actually like the idea of all of them being out at the same time and then them having to scramble. And she, like, grabs the kids and runs out the door. And we learn later what’s going on?

[Shep]
She was the captain. That’s why she was in the captain’s quarters. It’s her crew. Because she’s a villain, actually. There’s the twist.

[Thomas]
Yeah, the crew is mutinying because she’s like, what’s his name? William Bligh or whatever. The Mutiny on the Bounty guy.

[Emily]
Yeah, she’s just throwing them off the ship left and right, forcing them to hang on the masts.

[Thomas]
Right. Whipping them and keelhauling them.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
I mean, not personally. She has someone to do that for her.

[Emily]
Of course.

[Shep]
Yeah, it takes two people to keelhaul.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Well, and she doesn’t want to get her nails dirty.

[Shep]
So pirate-like.

[Thomas]
All right, Shep, why don’t you tell us what you have.

[Shep]
Okay. In the near future, after faster than light technology has been successfully proven via unmanned drones, the first manned FTL ship is tested. Unfortunately, the crew find that they can’t reach any other star system and keep coming back to the Sol system, no matter which direction they move. And it is thus discovered that our reality is a simulation from which we cannot escape.

[Thomas]
Really pushing ship in a bottle.

[Shep]
Metaphorical ship in a bottle.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
A spaceship. And the bottle is the simulation in which we are trapped.

[Emily]
Wow.

[Thomas]
So which of these are we choosing?

[Shep]
Obviously, we cannot choose Emily’s.

[Emily]
Correct.

[Thomas]
No, clearly that one’s immediately out.

[Shep]
Even though we both were like, “Let’s run with this story,” and-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
No.

[Shep]
No, don’t fall into the trap.

[Emily]
Okay, so next time, I’m just not going to say anything before I read mine, and I’m just going to let them sit.

[Shep]
See, she’s telling us her plan. This is how she gets us.

[Thomas]
She’s laying the groundwork. Now. I think each of us has, well, I mean, the two of you only have one, but each of us has one that is quite good.

[Emily]
Each of us has one.

[Thomas]
She’s being mean to me again.

[Shep]
Because we said we weren’t going to pick her.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So she’s like, “Okay, playtime is over.”

[Thomas]
Yeah, “The gloves have come off. I’ll risk my nails for this.”

[Shep]
Thomas, which one is your one.

[Thomas]
The second one, I think. The one with the animals and stuff.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah, I like that one.

[Thomas]
I think that’s the better of the two. All right, so do we want the kid goes to the animal island? Do we want the girl is released from her ship in a bottle prison? Or do we want all of humanity is on a figurative ship in a figurative bottle.

[Shep]
Or could be, it’s just the people on the ship are in the simulation. It’s just the ship that’s being simulated. They don’t realize.

[Thomas]
Oh, right. So they got on a ship.

[Shep]
They have the memory of getting on a ship, but they didn’t really actually get on a ship.

[Thomas]
So kind of Matrix like in that respect.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
All right.

[Shep]
If you don’t want all of the world being simulated, here’s an easier way to do it. So which one of these can we turn into a rom-com?

[Thomas]
Well, Emily’s, but-

[Shep]
Oh, no, never mind. Forget I asked.

[Emily]
I do kind of like mine. But I also really like the talking animals.

[Shep]
Yeah, I like the talking animals.

[Thomas]
All right.

[Shep]
I like Emily’s. But the bottle breaks at the beginning of the movie, so it’s not a ship in a bottle. It’s a ship out of a bottle.

[Emily]
This is true.

[Thomas]
But it is the impetus for the story, like-

[Emily]
It is, yes. We could incorporate the other ships in the bottle somehow, which is why I like the idea of the pirates also getting out at the same time, so they don’t have time to go and break the other bottles to see if there’s more.

[Shep]
Where’s the ship? Where’s the ship, Emily?

[Thomas]
Maybe it’s just people who are imprisoned and not ships.

[Shep]
That’s crew in a bottle.

[Thomas]
Now the ship is in the bottle.

[Emily]
The ship’s still in the broken bottle.

[Shep]
But you broke the bottle.

[Thomas]
It would be interesting if she knows that there are other people in other bottles. So, yeah, the kids don’t have time to smash the bottles, but the girl, the teenage girl quickly grabs all the other bottles and is like, “We got to go.”

[Shep]
She can’t grab all of them because Emily said there’s lots and lots.

[Thomas]
That’s true.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
That’s true.

[Shep]
She can grab one or two.

[Thomas]
She grabs a few of them.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And then her hands are full because she was the last one of her friends to get put in the bottle. A bunch of her friends broke into this house that seemed abandoned. Damn it. We’re doing her story again. This is how she gets us.

[Thomas]
Yes. By writing good and interesting pitches. Damn you, Emily. Well, I will say, I think you typically do not have figurines on ships and bottles.

[Emily]
This is true. Although, you know, this guy was a fastidious artist.

[Shep]
For accuracy. For accuracy. Because, like you said, he’s a fastidious artist and also an evil wizard.

[Emily]
Also, the figurines are actually real people, shrunk down and imprisoned in the ship in the bottle.

[Thomas]
Right. That’s why there’s no gigantic ship, because he shrunk the people down so they come back up. But the ship was always that small.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Goddamn. Are we doing Emily’s?

[Shep]
See, I want to combine yours and Emily’s-

[Thomas]
We could.

[Emily]
Well, we could do that.

[Shep]
Where she grabs one of the bottles so they live, this is a port town. They’re by the ocean. She grabs one of the bottles, she runs to the sea, because there’s a way to get the ship out, if you don’t break the bottle-

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
Which breaks the magic, but you open it and you fill it with seawater and then pour it out.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
The ship flows out and then becomes a big ship or something because she’s trying to get away or she’s trying to rescue her friends.

[Thomas]
Well, I think if you’re going to do that, then it needs to be not what we were saying, where she’s some kid from the 80s who was hanging around in the abandoned house and was put in by an evil guy who lived there.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
That it’s more like a genie situation, where it’s like she’s been stuck in that bottle for 300 years, and there’s a treasure that she knows about that was super well hidden, and she doubts that anyone… Like, the captain, the pirate captain who hid that treasure, his whole thing was, this could stand here for 100 years and no one would find it. That sort of a thing. Like, he’s so confident. But she helped to hide it because she was the cabin boy on some ship or whatever.

[Shep]
So is she a genie or a human?

[Thomas]
I think she’s a human, but she was cursed.

[Emily]
By a sea witch.

[Thomas]
Oh, did the captain… So the captain hides the treasure and then kills everybody who helps to hide the treasure so that none of them can come back. But why is she special? Why does the captain need her and so cursed her into the bottle? Oh, maybe he just put the whole crew in the bottle because he didn’t want to kill his crew. He liked his crew, but he can’t have them coming back for the treasure.

[Shep]
Right. He’s going to bring them out of the bottle later.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Once the heat is worn off and he can start spending the treasure, then he can bring them out.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And he knows that they didn’t steal the treasure in the meantime.

[Thomas]
Right. Because the only people who know are him, who’s on the outside, and the people on the inside.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
But he’s unfortunately killed before he can release them. And that ship in a bottle has just floated around the world for a while in different collector’s, collections, and whatnot and-

[Shep]
So it’s only one special ship in a bottle.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Well, then we don’t have her taking one of the bottles to the ocean and getting a ship out.

[Emily]
Well, fine.

[Shep]
See, I want her to be a girl from the 1980s, to be different, and that’s why they’re messing with that bottle. And, like, all the bottles are special, this one is different because she’s in it.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
Because I’m trying to figure out. How do we get all the bottles? But also, why do they mess with this one?

[Emily]
Right. There’s, like, a glint in it because she’s got chunky, shiny 80s jewelry. Day glow, neon.

[Thomas]
Right. She’s wearing some, like, yeah, weird, bright, neon colored thing. Are there other people in her bottle, or is she the only one?

[Shep]
They have to be other people, because that’s why they flee the house, and they don’t have time to examine stuff.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah, good point.

[Shep]
You need that impetus to get moving.

[Thomas]
What if she’s the only one in her bottle, but when she comes out of the bottle, one of the other kids goes, “Whoa, cool,” grabs another bottle off the shelf and smashes it, and she’s like, “No!” And then that other crew starts popping up.

[Emily]
Why wouldn’t the kid be stunned into just inaction and silence? Why would he just be like, “Oh, cool!”

[Thomas]
I think the original kid would be. But I think there’s some other older kid.

[Shep]
Or they’re so stunned, they back up and they hit a bottle, and they knock it, and it rolls off.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
And she’s like, “No, stop it!” And they go, and they react too slowly because they’re stunned by what’s going on.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And the second bottle rolls off the mantle and falls and shatters.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Now we have both. We have the stunned inaction.

[Thomas]
And you have girl from the crew from the 1700s or 1600s or something.

[Emily]
Perfect. So they’re going to be chased by those pirates.

[Shep]
Yes. Why are they after her?

[Emily]
She has the key. They have the map. She has the key. Or vice versa.

[Shep]
Right. She’s got that one piece of eight.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
It’s Pirates of the Caribbean again. We can’t… You gotta be real careful. Disney lawyers don’t mess around.

[Thomas]
Why would they be after her? Because in the story world, you’d think that they’ve been trapped in their bottle for 3- or 400 years. So how would they know anything about her and what’s been going on?

[Shep]
Right. Unless they were the crew from her ship.

[Thomas]
Oh, this isn’t her first time out of the bottle.

[Shep]
See, that’s why I wanted to make her a genie. She keeps coming out. That’s why she’s dressed in the 80s. She was out in the 80s, but she got captured again.

[Thomas]
Is she the one who put everyone, the whole crew, in the bottle in the first place?

[Shep]
Ooh.

[Emily]
If she’s the genie, then, yeah.

[Shep]
But then she’s not trapped in the bottle.

[Thomas]
Yeah, good point.

[Shep]
So what is she doing?

[Thomas]
But I do like that idea that somehow she was able to get out of the original bottle, but just her. So she came out in the 80s for some reason.

[Shep]
That’s set up for the prequel that you do later, the 80s version of the same story.

[Thomas]
Yeah. But that’s why she’s in her own bottle. That’s why she’s dressed 80s. Or she could be in the same bottle as the crew. It doesn’t matter.

[Shep]
I like them being separate bottles.

[Thomas]
But she does still have the specialized knowledge of where the treasure is, how to get past all the traps, that sort of thing.

[Shep]
Oh, it’s her treasure. She’s a genie. She’s a genie.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
What they stole is her bottle that has her magic in it. So she can’t do any magic because she’s separated from her bottle. She’s trapped in this other bottle by a wizard who’s missing.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
We don’t know where the wizard is, but he disappeared at some point. But she did escape previously in the 80s, but she got trapped again. But the pirates are also after that treasure.

[Thomas]
The treasure that contains her bottle.

[Shep]
The treasure that contains her bottle.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
And she knows where it is because she’s got that connection to it.

[Thomas]
Right. Sure.

[Shep]
So she doesn’t need a treasure map or anything. They don’t know where it is. They have to follow her.

[Thomas]
Ah, yes.

[Emily]
Perfect.

[Shep]
So she grabs one of the bottles because she needs a ship.

[Emily]
And it doesn’t matter because it doesn’t have to be special because she’s special.

[Shep]
Right. She’s only got moments before the crew from the other ship come after her. She needs a way to get away immediately. She doesn’t need to go stand in line at some ship rental place. She grabs a ship that she can turn into a full size ship and flee on.

[Thomas]
And that would have a full crew who knows how to sail it.

[Shep]
Right. Even if it didn’t, I mean, if it sailed on its own, because that was your pitch.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah. It could sail on its own because she’s magic. But is she magic because she’s separated from her bottle and her magic?

[Thomas]
What if she has, like, a pouch of fairy dust type of thing? So she has a finite amount of emergency magic that she can use. The closer she gets to the bottle- Or maybe she has to reestablish a certain connection with the bottle to re-up her powers or whatever it is. But there is a certain finite amount of magic she can use. So she can open the bottle, the full size ship comes out, they all climb on board, she sprinkles a little bit on the wheel, off it goes directly to the island where her bottle is. It uses up some of her magic, though.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Maybe she used a little bit of the magic to get out of the bottle in the first place. That’s how she got out in the 80s.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah. She did something to attract the kids to see her or to mess with her bottle.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah. The shiny, glinty thing that the kid was like, “What is this?”

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And then because we’re in control, we can decide how much she gets to use that. Is this the last of it? How many times can she use it?

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
There’s got to be, like, at least one more time.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That makes it three, because that’s what genies do.

[Thomas]
That’s true. Yeah, but this is it. This is the last time. Is she really sure she wants to use it on this?

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yep.

[Shep]
That’s why she uses it at the end to rescue one of the kids instead of getting her bottle.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
Because this is how movies work. Are we cliches? I mean, these cliches are cliches for a reason, because they work.

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah.

[Shep]
And I guess this is a kids’ movie, and kids have never seen movies before, so you can put all the cliches in kids’ movies.

[Thomas]
That’s true. That’s true. Well, I feel like simple stories that are easy to follow work really well.

[Emily]
They do. And there’s comfort in predictability.

[Thomas]
Yes. That’s an excellent way of putting it, Emily.

[Emily]
Yeah. It makes you feel good to know that it’s going to end well.

[Thomas]
So I guess we’re going with Emily’s. All right. Well.

[Shep]
No, let’s do both.

[Emily]
It’s combined.

[Shep]
Hang on.

[Emily]
It’s not just mine. We’re letting you have input, too, Thomas.

[Shep]
Yeah. The island is from Thomas’s.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
We haven’t got to the island yet. That’s where we’re going to.

[Emily]
With the talking animals.

[Thomas]
The Island of Dr. Moreau. Got it.

[Shep]
Right. So-

[Emily]
Oh, the island of Dr. Doolittle. Come on.

[Thomas]
Oh, it is a kids’ movie. Good call. Good call. So she takes a bottle.

[Shep]
She takes one bottle.

[Thomas]
A specific bottle.

[Shep]
Is it a specific bottle or is it the nearest bottle?

[Thomas]
Ooh, that’s a good question. I like the idea that there’s a time pressure. There’s a time pressure regardless, I guess. But maybe the guys are getting bigger and bigger and bigger, and she’s like, “Where is it? Where is it?” She finds the correct bottle. I don’t know.

[Shep]
Ooh. Yes. That’s better. She picks the fastest ship. She takes a moment to find one and then books it.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And does she say anything to the kids? Like, “Follow me if you want to live?” Does she say anything or does she flee? And do the kids follow her because these guys are growing out of the bottle?

[Thomas]
Why would she take the kids.

[Shep]
Because if she leaves them behind, they could maybe reveal information about her or that she knows the pirates would interrogate them or capture them or just kill them.

[Thomas]
If she’s a genie, she probably doesn’t care.

[Emily]
She’s not a jinn.

[Shep]
If she’s a jinn, she doesn’t care. If she’s a genie, then if she’s a Disney genie, if this is a kids’ movie-

[Thomas]
I was just going to say, if this is a kids’ movie, why would she take the kids with her? Because she knows the pirates are dangerous. Because she’s grateful they let her out.

[Shep]
Right. She’s thankful that they let her out, and so she doesn’t want them to suffer the consequences.

[Thomas]
Right. “You helped me, now I’m going to help you. Let’s go.”

[Shep]
Right. So she takes one of the bottles. She takes the fastest bottle.

[Emily]
Is it the Nina, the Pinta, or the Santa Maria?

[Thomas]
It’s the Bluenose. That’s a nice little reference there. All my nautical pals are going to get that one.

[Shep]
I don’t get it.

[Thomas]
I know you guys don’t understand.

[Emily]
Nope. I was gonna let it pass.

[Thomas]
She was the fastest of the Grand Banks fleet.

[Shep]
She grabs the fastest ship, takes the kids, and flees. The pirates are just now getting full size.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
The pirate captain, let’s make him a specific character so we have a villain to keep our eyes on-

[Emily]
Mmm.

[Shep]
Sends one of his faster guys to follow her. And then the other pirates grab bottles. They’re not just coming after her with one ship. They’re going to come after her with an armada.

[Emily]
Okay. I like it.

[Thomas]
That’s a fantastic visual.

[Shep]
Yeah. So she starts running towards the ocean. Does she ask them which way the ocean is so that the audience knows that’s where she’s going?

[Thomas]
I think so. Yeah. Did they all ride their bikes down the hill to the coast?

[Shep]
She’s got a tandem ride with someone.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
This explains why they get to the ocean faster than full grown men.

[Thomas]
He’s one of the guys who does the rigging. So he’s got, like, parkour-type skills, you know.

[Shep]
Right. So they’re biking away or scootering away, and you can see him jumping from rooftop to rooftop in the background, chasing after them. Or maybe several of those guys.

[Thomas]
Yeah, he sends all the rigging guys.

[Shep]
Right. Oh, this is where you have your exposition. Because they’re like, “What the hell is going on?”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
They’re the audience surrogate right now, and she can explain. “I don’t have a lot of time, but you can’t stay here. Those are bad guys.”

[Thomas]
Of the group of kids, is one of them, like a main girl who- She’s like the main character and she, over the course of the film, kind of like, I don’t want to say idolizes the genie, but she’s, like, enamored of the genie. Like, “This woman is so cool.” She’s almost like a role model in a way.

[Shep]
Do you want to make this a rom-com, because we can make it a rom-com.

[Thomas]
Well, if it’s a kids’ film, then, no.

[Shep]
Kids’ films have rom-coms in them that make no sense.

[Thomas]
Shoehorned in. Yeah, exactly.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Okay. I want to keep the girl who idolizes the genie, but I want to have a rom-com with one of the boys so that at the end, the genie gives up her powers to stay with the boy and the other girl takes on the powers to be the new genie.

[Thomas]
Excellent. Well done.

[Emily]
And remember, these are teenagers. They’re not small kids.

[Thomas]
And the genie is herself a teenager.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
I mean, she’s hundreds of years old, but.

[Thomas]
Well, that’s true.

[Emily]
Eh.

[Thomas]
But when she was made a genie or got the genie powers or however it works.

[Emily]
She stopped aging at the-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah, when she was imbued with her magic.

[Thomas]
So mentally, she’s 2000 years old.

[Shep]
Right. Oh, that’s what she doesn’t like. That she’s immortal. She makes friends with people and they all age and die. And so it’s really, I mean, it’s fun for a couple hundred years, but then it gets really grim and depressing.

[Emily]
I mean, ask the Highlander. Ask Doctor Who. They all go through this.

[Shep]
Right. So she’s done. She’s ready to give up being genie and start aging again. But she doesn’t want to impose this thing on someone, which to her is not great anymore.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
But this other girl really, really wants-

[Emily]
And she’s from a broken home or an orphan or just generally-

[Thomas]
The genie or the girl?

[Shep]
The girl so that she can disappear.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Oh, sure.

[Shep]
And it’s like, “Ah, whatever.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Nobody cares that she’s gone.

[Thomas]
That makes sense.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah, that tracks.

[Shep]
She’s in a foster home.

[Emily]
No one cares for her except for this ragtag band of kids.

[Shep]
All the kids are friends because they’re all, it’s Goonies. Oh, no, we’re doing Goonies. There’s a pirate ship in that, too.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Well, we’ll definitely keep a giant octopus in ours. No matter what.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
We’ll make it integral to the story so it can’t be cut out.

[Shep]
Okay. So they run to the water. You have a small exposition dump.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
She doesn’t have a lot of time to talk. They’ll talk more when they’re on the ship.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Oh. She tries to start answering their questions, but they’re being chased by those guys that are very fast.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
So these kids on bikes are just barely able to stay faster than these absurdly fast grown men.

[Thomas]
They’re a lot like lemurs or monkeys or they’re swinging around on things.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
And that allows them to be very quick.

[Shep]
“Parkour!”

[Thomas]
Yeah. Surprisingly so.

[Shep]
So they get to the beach and the kids are like, “Oh, no, we are trapped.” And the genie runs to the water and takes the cork off and fills it and then pours the boat out. And she’s like, “Grab on.” So they grab on as it’s getting bigger.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And then she does her magic on the steering wheel or on the sails or whatever, and the ship takes off.

[Thomas]
Or whatever. Yeah.

[Shep]
And that’s where you can see her looking in her pouch, like, holding that last handful of sand.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah. That’s good.

[Emily]
I like it.

[Thomas]
All right, well, we’ve sent our kids off on what I think promises to be a pretty exciting adventure. So we’ll take a quick break here, and when we come back, the rest of our story for Ship in a Bottle.

[Break]

[Thomas]
All right, we’re back. Our kids and our genie, who is herself a kid. They’re all teens, right? They are all now on a ship which is magically heading toward the island that has the genie’s bottle on it. So we just had an exciting adventure moment with the pirates chasing them through the streets of the town. And now we have a more calm moment and we can get the rest of that exposition dump.

[Shep]
So I have so many questions.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
On the entire break, I was thinking, do we know the names of the kids? Like, who are the kids? How many kids are there? We have an unspecified number of pirates, which is fine. We need the one big bad guy and his number one.

[Thomas]
Yeah. His Smee.

[Emily]
And then just a slew of other dudes.

[Shep]
Right. Nameless. Faceless, whatever. Doesn’t matter.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Because they’re going to fight the talking animals at the end.

[Emily]
Okay, we have the genie. Let’s name her.

[Shep]
Tiffany! Because it was a name way further back than you think.

[Emily]
Oh, that’s true. Yes. That’s good.

[Thomas]
And popular in the 80s, so.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
And popular in the 80s. Yes, I agree.

[Shep]
So when at first, they don’t know that she’s hundreds of years old. They think she’s from the 80s because that’s the last time she escaped.

[Thomas]
All right.

[Shep]
And her name is Tiffany.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That’s great. Okay, the girl that idolizes her, that’s Brooke. Nice water name.

[Thomas]
Good.

[Shep]
You have Jason is the guy that has a crush on the genie. Eventually. And then you have twins. A twin boy and a girl. Tommy and Tamsyn.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Those are our five teenagers.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
And then we need the pirate captain.

[Thomas]
And his first mate.

[Shep]
And his first mate.

[Thomas]
I feel like Marley is a good name for a first mate. It seems like a solid that time period name.

[Emily]
Well. And it evokes the grumpiness of the ghost of Marley and Scrooge.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
Yep. And Morgawr for the captain. Like the sea serpent, Morgawr.

[Thomas]
That’s good.

[Shep]
So now we have names for things.

[Thomas]
How many ships do the pirates end up getting in their armada?

[Emily]
What makes an armada? What’s the minimum to be an armada? It’s got to be more than two.

[Thomas]
How about a fleet?

[Emily]
Three ships can form an armada.

[Thomas]
Oh, all right. Perfect. I mean, if they’re one ship’s crew, that’s probably the most they’d realistically be able to sail.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Well, the other bottles have crew in them.

[Thomas]
Oh, right. All the ships are crewed. Yeah.

[Shep]
Oh, even the one that she grabs has a crew.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Okay, well, then that brings up another thing. Why does she need her magic to pilot the ship? Oh, her magic doesn’t make the ship go. It makes the crew follow her.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
There we go. Solves the problem.

[Shep]
That’s why she has to use her magic.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Like, she can’t just grab people and have them sail. It comes with the crew.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
She has to deal with the crew. And she’s only got three uses of magic and she’s already used two of them.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Okay. So then how many ships do we want the pirates to have? Because they could have as many as there are bottles.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
So there aren’t hundreds of bottles in this house. There are twelve.

[Thomas]
So the bottle she was in had a ship.

[Emily]
Right. And that crashed and broke.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
So she doesn’t take that ship.

[Thomas]
Well, so what I’m wondering is, when they bump into the shelf and knock the other bottle off, what if a few bottles fall off? And then now those crews are fighting amongst each other and there are fewer ships to select from. Or maybe that’s an unnecessary detail.

[Shep]
I don’t think that’s an unnecessary detail. I think that’s a good detail because this is why all the pirates couldn’t just go after her immediately. They’re fighting amongst themselves.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
Because each bottle had a captain in it, and each captain wants to be in charge.

[Thomas]
Right. And Morgawr ends up being the one to unite the crews.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
There would be a great scene if the guys who were chasing the kids report back to Morgawr and say, “She got away.” And he says something like, “It doesn’t matter. I know where she’s going.” If it’s his treasure and he knows her bottle is there.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
Is it his treasure or is he one of the captains?

[Emily]
I think it would make most sense that it was his treasure and that he’s just like the Baba Yaga of pirate captains, and-

[Shep]
Oh.

[Emily]
They follow him out of fear, more or less.

[Shep]
I have a thought. Twelve pirate captains came together and put all of their treasure together, each one representing one of the Zodiac.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, perfect.

[Shep]
How did they all end up in bottles?

[Thomas]
Mmm.

[Shep]
See, originally we had it that the guy or we had talked about the captain, had put his crew in bottles.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Is there another bad guy? Some sea witch?

[Shep]
Yeah, there’s a sea hag.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
But she’s not in this movie unless she’s teased at the end for the sequel.

[Thomas]
There we go. Was this her island? And so she cursed all of these-

[Shep]
Ooh.

[Thomas]
So, yeah, what you said is these twelve pirate captains, they all came together, they formed a big truce. They were getting their butts kicked by the Spanish and the British, who were, like, sick of piracy. So they said, “You know what? We’re going to join forces and we’re going to create our own armada.” And so they have twelve ships, twelve captains, twelve crews. And they need a base of operations. And one of them knows about this island that’s so remote. It’s the most remote island. It’s hard to find for whatever reason.

[Shep]
It moves around. It’s magic. It’s a magic island.

[Thomas]
Yeah. They look at it as, “Oh, there’s this benefit. The island moves around.” What they don’t realize is this island is cursed. They must have, like, a magic compass or a magic map or something that allows them to find it. I feel like it shouldn’t be a compass, because, again, that’s going back to Pirates. That’s why. I feel like if they had a special map that would keep track of where the island is.

[Emily]
Isn’t that a thing in a movie?

[Shep]
Yes. Pirates of the Caribbean.

[Thomas]
Is it? Damn it.

[Shep]
Well, Pirates of the Caribbean has the thing of the map that you twist the middle part on to point to-

[Thomas]
Oh, right. Oh, maybe there’s a flag. There’s a little pennant flag at the very top of the mast that always points toward, even when there’s no wind, it’s blowing, pointing toward where the island is.

[Shep]
Ah.

[Thomas]
So all you have to do is look up.

[Shep]
That’s good because it’s subtle.

[Emily]
I like that.

[Thomas]
Saved it.

[Shep]
Yeah. And it’s not a map and it’s not a compass, so it’s not a thing that we’ve seen before.

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah.

[Shep]
Okay, so they have a little bit of a head start, and they’re on the fastest remaining ship.

[Thomas]
Yes. Yeah.

[Shep]
How much do we see the pirates?

[Emily]
Meh.

[Thomas]
I feel like they’re not something we need to pay that much attention to during the voyage part anyway.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Like, we’ll see them every once in a while when they’re important to the story, but most of the time, I think we’re focused on our crew.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
So we don’t see them fighting for control because the ships don’t come out till later.

[Thomas]
How have they let the pirates out without letting the ships out?

[Emily]
They haven’t.

[Shep]
They don’t.

[Emily]
They’re not out yet.

[Shep]
Yeah, they’re not out yet.

[Thomas]
Oh, okay.

[Emily]
Just the one ship’s worth of pirates is out now.

[Shep]
Or two, because Tiffany was in one.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah. So there’s the two.

[Thomas]
Was she in her own ship but her own bottle, though? Or was she with a crew?

[Shep]
Oh.

[Thomas]
Because there would be the twelve original bottles from the 17th century or whatever. She was in one of those, somehow got out in the 80s. Then was locked into a new one? So there would be 13 bottles total.

[Shep]
I think that might be overcomplicating it. She gets out in 80s, and the captain that she was with was like, friends with her. And they’re like, “Yeah, let’s go our own way.” But they all get captured. And maybe all the pirates get killed for betraying Morgawr. And the genie gets captured again. But now she’s alone on that ship. So she’s been stuck in that bottle by herself for 40 years.

[Thomas]
What if only she was caught?

[Shep]
Oh!

[Thomas]
So there’s this other pirate crew that’s out there that can come to the rescue later.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
But they didn’t have their ship, so they don’t have the magic pennant that points to the island.

[Shep]
Then how do we get them at the end?

[Thomas]
I don’t know, but.

[Shep]
But I like that idea.

[Thomas]
I like them being out there and available.

[Shep]
How do we have them find the island? Oh, they’re already on the island.

[Thomas]
Right. See, what was tripping me up is that then somebody doesn’t have a pennant. The ship that she was on in the bottle, which broke and is useless, didn’t have the magic pennant, but the original ship did, and that was not in the bottle that smashed at the beginning of the film.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
So, yeah, I love it. They’re already on the island.

[Shep]
And you can have them not age if you want them to not age because they’re on the magic island.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
She was supposed to meet them there and then she never arrived.

[Thomas]
Ah, yeah.

[Shep]
So they’ve been stuck on the island for 40 years.

[Thomas]
Ooh. So there’s going to be, like, cool, like, Robinson Crusoe style forts and stuff that they’ve built, huts and things. They have, like, a whole village.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
That’s always fun in these kinds of movies.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
So the pirates go back, and then they bring all the ships down to the ocean?

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
They open up all these bottles, all these big ships come out, and everyone on the beach is like, “What is happening?”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
I think that works. So then the pirates then head off toward the island, and then we jump back to the kids. So we’ve established there’s a looming threat because the pirates know where she’s going, know how to get there, and they’re on their way. So now we can jump back to our crew, our kids, and we have that sort of simmering tension of, “Oh, the pirates are coming.” And they don’t know that the pirates are coming. I mean, she, I think, realizes they will be coming.

[Emily]
Well, yeah.

[Thomas]
So what is her plan? She’ll get her bottle and then…

[Shep]
Then she’ll have her magic and all problems are solved.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
But she has to get the bottle.

[Emily]
So where do the talking animals come in?

[Shep]
They’re on the island. It’s a magic island.

[Emily]
With the other pirates?

[Thomas]
Oh. The other pirates became the animals over the course of 40 years because it’s a cursed island. They’re not supposed to be there.

[Shep]
Ah.

[Thomas]
They’re invading the island. So the sea hag turned them into animals.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
“Fine, you want to be on the island, be on the island.”

[Shep]
There we go.

[Thomas]
So they all recognize her immediately. Right?

[Shep]
Right. Are they mad at her?

[Emily]
I think the main crew is, but maybe the captain is a little like, “Something had to have happened. She wouldn’t have abandoned us.”

[Thomas]
I mean, I think they could express concern. Like, “We were so worried when you didn’t come.”

[Shep]
Well, it’s because she didn’t come that they’re animals now.

[Thomas]
That’s true.

[Shep]
So are they humanoid animals or are they animal animals?

[Thomas]
I think they’re animal animals.

[Shep]
Okay, so the animals are not going to be very much help fighting off the armada of pirates that are coming.

[Thomas]
Not at first, but maybe they are. Maybe they have- I mean, they can blend in with their surroundings. Nobody would look twice at a tapir. Right?

[Emily]
And some of them are birds who can fly and drop coconuts on their heads.

[Thomas]
Or come back and give her a heads up of, like, “Oh, here’s where they are. Here’s what’s going on.”

[Emily]
Yeah. Okay, so they get some exposition from the animals. Right? Because they have to know what a little bit more.

[Thomas]
Did Tiffany tell them the truth, or is there something she left out? Maybe she didn’t tell them about the animals, the previous crew.

[Shep]
She didn’t know about the animals.

[Thomas]
Well, that’s true. Right. So we get that exposition of what she didn’t know.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
So we get her backstory dump, and then they get to the island, and we get the animals’ backstory dump. But of course, not right away.

[Shep]
I figured the animals capture them because the crew is mad at Tiffany.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
And then you get the exposition because they’re explaining to Tiffany what happened to them.

[Thomas]
And actually, that’s really good, having the animals capture them, because that way, we get a demonstration of the animals can attack humans and be effective in doing that.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
I mean, granted, these are some kids, but.

[Shep]
Right. The poor kids that are swept up in all this, they didn’t sign up for any of this.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Does Tiffany’s power grow as she gets closer to the bottle, or does she have to actually get back to the bottle before she gets any power back?

[Shep]
She has to get back to the bottle before she gets any power back. Otherwise she could just undo turning them into animals.

[Emily]
What’s blocking her from getting it? The pirates show up, or is there some, another.

[Shep]
There’s a seal on the treasure or something.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
We got to make these kids useful.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
There is some puzzle to figure out that the animals couldn’t do because they needed something. Oh, they needed Tiffany’s magic. They needed the last of her magic to open the seal because the sea hag sealed it. But if Tiffany uses up her magic to save the kids…

[Thomas]
But she makes Brooke a genie, who will then have magic.

[Shep]
No, they need the bottle for that. That’s the end. That’s when they get back and- Morgawr’s got to catch up to that. Morgawr’s got to have a way to break the seal.

[Thomas]
Maybe Morgawr sealed it in the first place.

[Shep]
Oh. Yes.

[Thomas]
So he has, like, a key to open the magic lock.

[Shep]
Right. We need Tiffany and Jason to spend time together if they’re gonna-

[Emily]
Well, they’ve been spending time together on the ship, and when they settled in to the island and got some exposition there, they had longing looks across the fire at the celebration of her return.

[Thomas]
Well, there’s a first night before the animals have captured them where they stumble across the village. Are the animals living in the village, or are they living in the jungle like animals?

[Shep]
They’re living in the jungle like animals. The village is made for when they were humans.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
It doesn’t fit them anymore.

[Thomas]
So the kids come across this village, and they’re like, “Oh, cool.”

[Shep]
This abandoned, empty village.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Because that went well the first time. Occupying abandoned spaces.

[Thomas]
It is a nice callback, though. It’s where these runaway teens feel most comfortable.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
Other people’s houses.

[Thomas]
Yeah. So they’re in that village, so you know, you have a scene that evening where Jason and Tiffany are whatever it is they’re doing to strengthen their relationship. So the animals capture the kids the next morning?

[Shep]
Or in the night.

[Emily]
In the middle of the night.

[Thomas]
That’s good. Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
You can have that horror scene where they’re trying to sleep, but they hear movement. One of them goes out to investigate.

[Thomas]
You think it’s the pirates have caught up with them.

[Shep]
Yes. Great. Yep.

[Thomas]
Do they have a place where they meet? Like how do they get the whole crew together again? Is there an animal council?

[Emily]
Obviously.

[Shep]
Well, the birds spotted them and let everyone know or let the captain know.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
And the captain’s like, “Get everyone together.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
“We’re going to capture whoever these invaders are.” And the invaders turn out to be Tiffany and some other kids.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So they capture everyone. They bring them in front of, the animals bring them in front of the captain, who is now a goat or something. Tiffany makes amends or whatever and says that she can turn them back if she gets the bottle. Why do they not go to the bottle immediately? See, there’s got to be-

[Thomas]
It’s in the treasure chest or cave or whatever that’s magically locked.

[Shep]
Right. But I’m saying, like, to open it because she’s got one last use of magic. She can magic the lock open.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
But I’m saying there are non-magical locks they have to go through first because it’s pirate treasure.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And so it’s a series of puzzles that the pirates know the answers to, or Morgawr knows the answers to.

[Thomas]
Maybe each crew knows the answer to one of them.

[Emily]
Mmm.

[Shep]
Oh.

[Thomas]
There are twelve, or there are eleven locks and then the magic chest.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And each crew knows the answer to one.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Or each captain knows the answer to one.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
And so this is where the kids come in who have modern knowledge.

[Shep]
They just get out their phones and google.

[Thomas]
They just google the answer. “It’s 42.”

[Shep]
“It’s ‘man’.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Their phones won’t work. They’re on an island.

[Thomas]
Magic island.

[Shep]
Right. Anyway, this is where you have the kids solving a problem together.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Because that’s the point of the movie, is the kids’ adventure.

[Emily]
Yes. Because friendship is the treasure you find along the way.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And also it’s Goonies, and that’s what they do in Goonies.

[Thomas]
Right. It’s Finding ‘Ohana. It’s all of those kinds of movies.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Yes, absolutely.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Which are great. I love those kind of movies.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
So I’m into it.

[Shep]
When do the pirates arrive? Oh, no. I was gonna say when they get to the magical lock that they can’t open. No, because she’s got magic. She’s got one last use of magic.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah.

[Emily]
They have to have arrived slightly before then.

[Thomas]
My thought initially was they do make it to the chest and she does have her magic stuff and she is going to use it. And then they come under attack. But all the more reason to use it. Open the chest or the cave or whatever. Grab your bottle and magic your way out of the situation.

[Shep]
Right. So this is, I think the pirates arrive before they finish all the puzzles. The animals are fighting the pirates, the kids are solving the puzzles. You have a time pressure. They need to get through all the puzzles before the pirates get to them.

[Thomas]
Yeah. So did they solve a few of the puzzles and then come under attack?

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Or then they discover, “Oh no, the other pirates are here.” And so now that time pressure starts, so they’re like a third the way through or halfway through. And then maybe in so doing, they reached the peak of some cliff and now they can see this armada taking up a blockade position around the island. And they realize, and all the longboats coming in and they realize, “Uh oh, we got to do this faster.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
You don’t even need to have them be the ones to see it. You have all the birds.

[Thomas]
Oh, right. You have the birds come down and say like-

[Shep]
Right. “Just FYI, the pirates are here.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
I like this because as they’re solving the puzzles, initially, they’re like, “Hey, we can do this. No problem. We’re smart.” It’s that good arc. And then, “Oh, no, the pirates are here. And they’re on their way right now,” and back down. It’s emotional roller coaster.

[Thomas]
Right. And the problem is you’ve just left six open doors behind you. The pirates don’t have to solve the puzzles.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
They just walk right in.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
So now, yeah, you’re up against it.

[Shep]
So the pirates fight their way through the animals. It takes some time. So that’s the race. And you don’t know which one’s going to win except unless you’ve seen a movie before.

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah.

[Shep]
And so before they finish the penultimate lock, the pirates arrive.

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Shep]
So what stops Morgawr from getting the treasure?

[Thomas]
I think it’s that Morgawr and the other pirates are defeated, so they can get the treasure, but they have to be rebottled or cast away somewhere or something like.

[Shep]
Right, at the end, you’re saying they’re defeated?

[Thomas]
Yeah. I mean, like they don’t end up with the treasure. Like they can get the treasure now, but they don’t ultimately end up with the treasure is what I’m saying.

[Shep]
Oh, here’s where they fight. Once they get the treasure, Morgawr is betrayed by the other captains.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Yes, I like that.

[Shep]
They don’t care about the animals. They don’t care about the kids.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
They only want the treasure. And now, they were working together until they got the treasure, and now they’re fighting.

[Thomas]
Plus, they were working together because of this pressure that existed in the 17th century, which is gone now.

[Shep]
I mean, they’re working together right now because someone is after their treasure right now. So what happens to the kids during this fight that causes Tiffany to use her last spell?

[Thomas]
I feel like either Brooke or Jason, probably Brooke is mortally wounded.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah. I think Brooke’s mortally wounded because that’s another reason to give her the immortality of being a genie and it not being a curse for her.

[Thomas]
Or is Jason mortally wounded. And Tiffany gives Brooke the pouch and tells her what to do. It’s like, “Here, you go save him.” Sort of signaling that passing of the torch.

[Shep]
Oh. It’s a trick for the pirates because they know Tiffany has magic, and so they defeat Morgawr so they can’t use his whatever magic to open the final lock. So they need Tiffany. They capture Jason. They perhaps mortally wound him, and they’re like, “We’re going to kill all of the-” (the twins are also captured. The three of them are captured), “-if you don’t surrender.” So Tiffany surrenders, but she has already passed the pouch with the last of her magic to Brooke. Like, “I’m going to surrender and distract them. You rescue everyone real quick.” So it’s a combination of things. She doesn’t want to be magic anymore anyway. She has a crush on Jason at this point, and he’s in danger. She can save him.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
She can give up her magic and trick the pirates that she doesn’t like.

[Thomas]
Ah. I think at least the way I was thinking about it was that last bit of magic, fairy dust, whatever it is, is sprinkled on Jason to revive him or heal him. But that’s not what I think should happen. Tiffany gives Brooke the pouch and it tells her, “You can become a genie. You can use this magic for us to trade those roles. I’ll be human, you’ll be the genie.” So the pirates don’t know that that has happened. So they finally get Tiffany who they’re like in their head, they’re like, “This is a genie. This person has magic.” And she can say, “Well, I don’t have magic anymore.” You know, showing that her pouch is empty or something. And they’re like, “That’s fine. Your bottle is right here.” Oh, no, wait. They’re trying to get into the chest where the bottle is, though, aren’t they? Dang it. Because I was going to say they could say, “Oh, your bottle’s right here” and try to give her her magic back. And she doesn’t have the magic anymore. She’s not a genie. She has already given that up. And now Brooke, who has the magic is able to use the magic to rescue Jason, cast away the pirates. Maybe Morgawr has opened the chest.

[Emily]
Yeah, I would think that he would have opened it, and that’s when they turn on him. Because don’t they need someone to open it?

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
It would make more sense to wait for him to open it.

[Thomas]
Yeah, that’s true.

[Shep]
Then why do they take the kids capture? Why do they mortally wound Jason? Why do they need Tiffany to surrender?

[Thomas]
Because they view her as still a threat because they know she has magic. But then why would they give her her bottle?

[Shep]
Oh, they have the bottle. They want to make a wish. They’re not giving her the bottle.

[Emily]
Oh.

[Shep]
They’re taking the genie.

[Thomas]
Right, right.

[Shep]
That’s why they fought over the treasure, because it has wishes in it.

[Thomas]
She was never a member of the crew.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Oh, that’s good. So was the captain of the animals at one point, Tiffany’s master?

[Shep]
Oh.

[Thomas]
That was their contribution to the treasure.

[Shep]
Yeah, that’s good.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Oh, but it’s like Aladdin and Genie where-

[Emily]
There was a benevolent relationship.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Yes.

[Shep]
They were friends.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
So Tiffany, unbeknownst to the pirates, has renounced being a genie. She’s given it over to Brooke. Brooke has accepted it. That’s within the rules, apparently. And they use that last bit of magic for Brooke to do that. That’s what was required. And so Brooke now is able to save them? Does Tiffany have some sort of thing of like, “Gee, I wish you guys weren’t all here.” And Brooke steps out from behind a stalagmite and is like, “I can help with that.”

[Shep]
Yeah. So the pirates make a wish with the bottle, and she’s like, I need to hold the bottle to refresh my magic.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
And when they hand her the bottle, she makes the wish.

[Thomas]
Right. She opens the bottle which technically makes her Brooke’s master.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
There’s a great denouement there. Where they’re back on the ship at sunset, and she’s like, “So you’re my master?” And then. Yeah, there’s a whole conversation.

[Thomas]
“Like, how does this work?”

[Emily]
Yeah, exactly.

[Shep]
Okay, so-

[Thomas]
She says she have two more wishes. And she says, “I wish that you could be a genie with no master.”

[Emily]
Sure.

[Shep]
How about you can’t have genie powers without a limiter. You need to have a master. Those are the rules.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Shep]
Tiffany is friends with the pirate captain, and so they got along great. She didn’t have a problem hanging out with him. She’s immortal. She can just be friends with people. She doesn’t like being immortal because all of her masters die.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So at the end, the other pirates are gone. The captain and his crew get turned back into people. And Brooke wants to go with them. And he’s like, “I have lots of things I can teach you about being a genie” or whatever, because he had a genie for a long time.

[Thomas]
Are there any last details we want to sort out?

[Emily]
Just that awkward teen kiss between Jason and Tiffany at sunset with the swelling music.

[Thomas]
Oh right. Yeah. How does that resolve?

[Emily]
Yeah. How is Jason? Does he actually die and then they revive him, or he just-?

[Shep]
You can’t bring back the dead.

[Emily]
Oh, that’s.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That’s got to be one of the rules.

[Thomas]
So he’s dying.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
But does not actually die.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
He’s super pale and he’s like “(Pained moans),” he’s kind of out of it, but.

[Shep]
It’s Last Crusade.

[Emily]
There’s a whole moment where he’s like, “You gave up your magic for me.” And she says something, “I’d chase the end of the world for you.” Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada.

[Shep]
Problem for the writers.

[Emily]
That’s right.

[Shep]
Brooke is awfully keen on just abandoning her life. Maybe she was suicidal. Is that too dark for a kids’ movie?

[Emily]
No. Asking the wrong person. But I think we were going to establish that she’s this misfit. She’s an orphan, she lives in a crappy foster home, and she has nothing other than these three other people in her life. And they’ve had this grand adventure and they’re going to grow up and they have all these great opportunities that she doesn’t have.

[Thomas]
Or at least she perceives that to be the case.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Who breaks Tiffany’s bottle? Is it Jason or Brooke? See, here’s my proposition that it’s Brooke because she has this fantasy about sailing the seas. She wants to get out of this town that she hates, wants to get away from her foster parents that she hates. That’s why she’s obsessed with these ships and bottles, because she imagines sailing these ships on the sea.

[Emily]
Yeah, because that would tie the whole thing together. She initiates and then completes the story.

[Shep]
Right. And it’s a movie, so we don’t have to explain what happens with Tiffany and how she gets an identification card or whatever in the modern world.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
No, it’s fine.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Well, we’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode about a Ship in a Bottle. Did we run a tight ship or should stick a cork in it? Let us know by leaving a comment on our website, reaching out on social media, or sending us an email. Links to all of those can be found at AlmostPlausible.com. One of our goals this year is to grow the Almost Plausible audience, and we need your help to do that. The next time you’re talking to someone about podcasts, movies, writing, or just stories in general, we hope you’ll suggest they join Emily, Shep, and I on the next episode of Almost Plausible.

[Outro music]