Picnic Table

References

• Google Images search: Picnic Table boat
• My Two Dads
• The Office
• Everything Everywhere All At Once
• You’ve Got Mail
• The Shop Around the Corner
• Community
• Ryan Reynolds

Transcript

[Intro music begins]

[Emily]
“Were you just getting back at Andrew? Do you like me? Where do I stand?” And she’s like, “I don’t know. Yes?”

[Shep]
“Maybe?”

[Emily]
And he’s like, “Well-” And she’s like, “Well, maybe we should just spend time together.” He’s like, “I want to spend time with you, but-“

[Shep]
“I want to spend time with your butt”?

[Emily]
I mean, I’ve heard that a few times.

[Intro music]

[Thomas]
Hey there, story fans. Welcome to Almost Plausible, the podcast where we take ordinary objects and turn them into movies. To do that, first we choose an object. Then we each pitch some story ideas. Next we pick the one we like the most. And finally we develop it into a full on movie plot. The ‘we’ to which I am referring are Emily-

[Emily]
Hey guys.

[Thomas]
F. Paul Shepard.

[Shep]
Happy to be here.

[Thomas]
And I’m Thomas J. Brown. The ordinary object we’ve chosen for this episode is a picnic table. So, Emily, Shep, tell me: when you go on a picnic, do you prefer to use a picnic table or would you rather sit on a blanket on the ground?

[Shep]
The picnic table. Because I’m not a heathen.

[Emily]
The whimsical boho chick in me wants to say picnic blanket with, like, cute, comfy pillows. But the fat, real woman that I am wants a table because I ain’t sitting on the ground that long.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I’m in my forties. My back can’t take that. And I’m like, I’m not flexible either, so. All right, well, I will pitch first this week: a rom-com where the meet-cute happens when the couple both try to snag the last available picnic table in a park for their friends.

[Emily]
I don’t care about the rest of this.

[Shep]
Yeah. Yep. That’s the one we’re gonna do. Like, you can read the rest if you want-

[Emily]
We’re gonna make it up anyway.

[Shep]
But this is the one we’re doing.

[Thomas]
Okay, great. Should we- It’s late. Should we just move on to skip all the other pitches? Skip the rest of this pitch?

[Emily]
Honestly, I’m 100% okay with that.

[Shep]
This is the second recording in a row where you’ve nailed the pitch. Like, I don’t want to follow this because this pitch is so good.

[Emily]
Let’s let him finish the pitch at least.

[Thomas]
Alright.

[Emily]
Just this one.

[Shep]
All right.

[Thomas]
Well, they end up arguing over who got there first, but their friends agree to just share the table. The two friend groups get along well, but the couple fume at each other throughout the meal and beyond. As the two friend groups become one, the couple ends up seeing more of each other and eventually fall in love.

[Shep]
I mean, that’s okay, I guess.

[Thomas]
If you like rom-coms.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Well, my other pitch is about a couple of guys who try to drink beer in a park and they’re not allowed to, so they make a barge, like a floating bar, basically, out of a picnic table.

[Emily]
I think that just sounds like an activity we should do this summer.

[Thomas]
So in looking into this a little bit, I went to the Google images and I searched for like picnic table boat or something. Man, people have come up with some wacky picnic table boat things.

[Emily]
Nice.

[Thomas]
It’s worth a look. Emily, let’s hear your pitches next.

[Emily]
But I don’t see why, we’ve got it.

[Thomas]
Just get like hyper condensed. We’ll just burn through these.

[Emily]
All right. All right. So, woman’s-

[Shep]
Elevator pitch.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah.

[Emily]
Elevator. Yeah. A woman’s helping her parents clean out their house. Because they’re gonna move into a condo, their house is too big. So they have a barbecue, and she, like, refinishes this childhood picnic table they had as kids. And her sisters come to have this last barbecue. And then they get in fights, because the youngest sister’s like, “Hey, that’s our childhood. Why are you trying to sell it for profit?” And the middle one’s like, “Why the fuck does anyone care? It’s all stupid.” And then they argue and have- We get to see the memories of them growing up and how they become who they are, through the stories they tell of this picnic table. See, it’s fine. It’s fine.

[Shep]
It would be better as, like, an anthology series.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah, that would be really good.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Each episode focuses on like one of the siblings or one of the family members.

[Emily]
Yeah, that would be really cute.

[Thomas]
That’s, okay. That’s our limited series that we’ll do.

[Emily]
There you go.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
All right, so the next one is: a kid gets sent to his grandparents house for the summer. His grandpa owns a woodworking shop. He and his cousin Pete learn to make picnic tables. They deliver one the first year they’re there. Then they get really good at the woodworking. They take over grandpa’s shop when he dies, 17/18/20 years later. Whatever. A chick shows up and is like, “Hey, I’m looking for who designed this picnic table and delivered it, you know, 20 years ago. Because I’m their daughter.” And so then there would be like, a, “Who’s the dad?” My Two Dads kind of a thing.

[Shep]
Wait, how is she the daughter? Did they fuck the person that they delivered the table to? Both of them?

[Emily]
One of them had sex with the child of the person who bought the table, who was also a teenager at the time. They were, like, 17. And they go to deliver this picnic table to this rich asshole’s house in California. I have this all in my head. To this rich guy’s house who bought this really intricate picnic table, and, this huge giant one. And they go to assemble it and everything. And he’s got, like, a hot daughter, and one of them sleeps with her. Perhaps both. I don’t know. I didn’t get that far in the planning. But one of them fathered this child.

[Shep]
Okay, it sounds like you need to turn this into an erotic novel.

[Thomas]
I was thinking the same thing. Yeah.

[Shep]
Get your career started.

[Emily]
Alright Shep, its your turn.

[Shep]
Uh, sure. Kids crawl under a picnic table and end up in an alternate reality where creatures resemble oversized picnic foods.

[Thomas]
I mean, that’s entertaining idea. I like that idea.

[Emily]
That is pretty cool.

[Shep]
All right, my other one is: other kids, older kids this time find, like, a partially collapsed cabin in the woods near where they live or maybe near where they’re on vacation, whatever. And they have dreams of rebuilding it and having, like, a secret place to get away from their parents. And their first step toward rebuilding this place is dragging a picnic table all the way out to the cabin’s location, which is a task that proves much more difficult than they anticipated. And they’re like, “Yeah, we could just take it.” And so they’re, like, carrying it, but it’s heavy. And so they’re dragging it, but it’s further than they think it is. And, like, reality crushes their dreams. All right, so-

[Emily]
Rom-com!

[Shep]
Back to the rom-com!

[Emily]
We need names.

[Thomas]
Yep.

[Emily]
I had actually named my characters in my other pitches so let’s steal from there.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
Why don’t you guys peruse those and see what you like.

[Thomas]
I see Mallory.

[Shep]
No, Tabitha for the girl. Because it’s like table.

[Emily]
Oh, I actually think that’s cute.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
I like the name Tabitha. I don’t know. I got Andrew and Pete in my other ones.

[Shep]
Pete for picnic.

[Thomas]
Nick.

[Shep]
Yeah. Nick is also really good.

[Emily]
Nick.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Who’s she gonna pick? She’s gonna pick Nick.

[Emily]
Picnic. Yeah.

[Thomas]
And then they have some friends. So. Yeah, we see, like, each of them getting ready with their friends. They’re gonna go to this park. It’s like a hot day, everyone’s out. Are they kind of similar in their personalities a little bit or are they total opposites? Because I’m thinking like, we could sort of see parallel development where they’re both trying to, like, rush their friends. Like, “The tables go really fast. We have to get to the park.” And so they’re both kind of have that, like, A-type personality. That’s why they both spot the table and run to it so that they can claim it.

[Shep]
And they both dive for it at the same time and touch it at the same time and both shout “Mine!” at the same time.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And then their friends are like, “You guys are really similar.” And they both say, “What are you talking about?”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
“I’m nothing like him.”

[Thomas]
Yep.

[Emily]
I mean opposites is done all the time so I think having them be similar is a good one.

[Thomas]
Well, you always hear that opposites attract, so they should be similar.

[Shep]
Right. But then you have friends in their groups that are the opposite. So you think this is going to be a rom-com with the two groups, and maybe that happens for a while. You know, Nick dates someone in Tabitha’s friend group. That’s not Tabitha, but one of her friends that’s opposite from her. And opposite from him. And she does the same thing with a friend in his group. And so that’s why they keep seeing each other. They’re dating their friends’ friends.

[Thomas]
Right. So they’re, like, doing, like, group outings or whatever.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
They’re all going to the bar together.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
There’s, like, an axe-throwing scene.

[Emily]
Of course. So what are each group celebrating? Is it just it’s a nice day and they’re like “Yeah, let’s go do a picnic.” Is there something special about the park? Do we need these details?

[Thomas]
I think we don’t need to know them necessarily right now. If it turns out later that that’s going to be something useful for the story, absolutely, we’ll do that. Honestly, I just think it’s like a first really nice day in the city where they live.

[Shep]
Oh. How old are these people?

[Thomas]
Hollywood. So, like, late 20s, mid-20s.

[Emily]
Yeah, it’s a rom-com.

[Shep]
I was thinking that someone in each group got an internship or something because it would be, you know, spring is coming. It’s getting to the end of the school year. They’re in college. But they got internships, and the internships happen to be at the same company.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
This is not Nick and Tabitha. This is their friends.

[Emily]
Just their friends.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Is this in celebration of that, or is this scene the first scene of the movie? This sort of thing happens. I guess they would find out. If it’s in celebration of that, they would find out there.

[Shep]
Well, I’m picturing it coming up at the picnic-

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
You know, because they’re- That’s what they are celebrating. So they’re congratulating, you know, Nick’s congratulating his friend on whatever internship, and then Tabitha goes, “Oh, my gosh.” Or Tabitha’s friends goes, “Oh, my gosh. Me too.”

[Thomas]
One of them brought a cake with the company’s logo, and one of them brought cupcakes with the company’s logo.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
That would be cute.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And they’re like, “You’re not going to believe this.” And they open their cake box.

[Shep]
It’s all the more reason for them to join parties.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
And celebrate together, even though they don’t know each other. Now they have something in common to talk about. Oh, yeah. Because one of them got the old logo and one of them has the new logo that they just got. It’s like, “Oh, I guess you aren’t up to date on the goings on at this company because they’ve changed their logo.”

[Emily]
Yeah. And it should be Tabitha who has the up-to-date one because then we don’t have to make him a nasty mansplainer.

[Thomas]
Right. Yes. Good. Is Tabitha’s cake a homemade cake, or one of them is a homemade cake and one of them is a store bought cake?

[Shep]
So you want Tabitha to be the homemaker? Is this what I’m hearing Thomas?

[Thomas]
No! No.

[Shep]
Thomas is like “Traditional sex roles. That’s what we gotta-” No, no.

[Shep]
So Nick made a homemade cake.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And Tabitha had a professionally made, store bought cake.

[Thomas]
There you go.

[Emily]
Yeah. And Nick is extra like that. He’s like, “I know. I’m going to put in the effort. I’m going to show my, you know, my love for my friend or whatever.”

[Shep]
Yes. But it looks like shit.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Cause he made it himself. And that’s, like, all crooked and whatever. And Tabitha’s is professionally made and looks like a printout.

[Thomas]
Yeah. It’s not like he has experience doing this. He just has a butter knife and a tub of frosting.

[Shep]
Right. And a will to experiment!

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
He is very proud of himself.

[Thomas]
Is his cake good?

[Shep]
It tastes good.

[Emily]
It tastes better.

[Shep]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Thomas]
Oh, okay.

[Emily]
Like, hers looks fantastic, but-

[Thomas]
But it’s fondant. Ugh.

[Emily]
Yeah. And his is delicious. And that’s something like the whole groups can keep talking about. They’re like, oh, it’s so funny that-

[Shep]
Oh, so there’s none of his cake left over at the end. And there’s lots of her cake left over at the end because everyone had a slice of each or whatever, but then had a second slice of his.

[Thomas]
“His was a smaller cake. It was a round cake, and hers was a quarter sheet pan. So it was more cake to begin with.” She’s, like, trying to justify-

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
“Oh, see, I thought that your design was so great. I didn’t want to ruin it by taking slices of it.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
“But it’s meant to be eaten. It’s a cake.” It’s like, “Oh, but it was so pretty.”

[Thomas]
All right, so do we fake out the audience then with, like you said, two people from, one from each of the groups sort of having a thing? Or one of these characters or both of these characters dating people from the other group?

[Shep]
Yeah. Everyone’s seen movies, though, so no one’s gonna be fooled by anything.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
If you’re concentrating on two people of opposite sex, even if they end up with other people of the opposite sex, we’re all going to know they’re supposed to be together. They brought a cake. They both brought a cake.

[Thomas]
I might have seen rom-coms where it’s literally like, the last two minutes is where it finally happens and it’s hyper serious up to that point, they’re walking down the aisle type of thing where you’re like, “Oh, maybe this movie’s not going that direction. That doesn’t feel right, though.” And then all of a sudden, it does. “Oh, there it is. Okay.”

[Shep]
So who do we want them dating? Do we want them just dating the other person? The person from the other group that has the internship? To make that another parallel.

[Thomas]
Oh. So they would run into each other. When they go to pick their partner up, they both run into each other at the company?

[Shep]
Right, right. They fight over the same parking spot at one point.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Oh, yes, absolutely.

[Emily]
So she’s dating his friend who got the internship and he’s dating her friend that got the internship.

[Shep]
Yeah. Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
We need names for the internship couple.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
What were your names? And yours?

[Emily]
Andrew.

[Thomas]
Andrew’s pretty good.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Well, Gwen is another name that Emily-

[Emily]
Oh, Gwen. That’s right. That was another one.

[Shep]
So, obviously, Gwen and Andrew end up together at the end.

[Emily]
100%.

[Shep]
Because they see each other every day at work. They’re the Jim and Pam.

[Emily]
Yeah. They’re work wife and husband.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
And they make all these, they have these fun little inside jokes and-

[Shep]
Right. Because they are new friends and they’re starting these new jobs together.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
They’re the other person that they know.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
So that’s who they sit next to at lunch. That’s who they, you know, start to hang out with more at work.

[Emily]
And it really is just friendship until-

[Shep]
Until.

[Emily]
It’s not-

[Shep]
Yeah, until they kiss at the end of season one.

[Emily]
Telecompany Christmas party or-

[Shep]
Yeah. Company Christmas party. They get drunk. It’s the whole. “Oh, my gosh. I don’t know what happened. It wasn’t me. It was the alcohol.” It’s like. Yeah, it was just your inhibitions went down and you did what you wanted to do and now you’re blaming it on whatever.

[Thomas]
Well, I think that’s a great question is: how do these initial relationships end to where we don’t dislike any of these characters?

[Shep]
I mean, we can dislike Gwen and Andrew. They’re not the main characters.

[Emily]
But isn’t… I would assume since both made cakes for this person that they were very good friends with them. So wouldn’t that hurt?

[Thomas]
They’re clearly good friends to them. That doesn’t necessarily mean Gwen and Andrew are good friends back. And if we don’t have to like them, they could still be dating Nick and Tabitha when the Christmas party comes. Although, why wouldn’t they take them to the Christmas party?

[Shep]
Oh, maybe they do.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
But they still end up in a broom closet together.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
A supply closet together.

[Emily]
Yeah. 100%.

[Shep]
And that’s what they, you know, Nick and Tabitha discover them cheating on them.

[Emily]
Yeah. Because she’s trying to avoid him. So she wants to take Andrew to meet other people. Right? And same with Nick and Gwen. They want to kind of separate but then they keep ending up closer together because there’s some stupid game that all the interns are gonna play because Gwen and Andrew came up with it and they think it’s funny and so they’re-

[Thomas]
It’s not just that. It’s like, it’s an excuse that Gwen and Andrew came up with to be near each other. Like, they-

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
They are going to be partnered up during this game. This is a thing that they have. Oh, maybe it’s like an office scavenger hunt. And that’s their excuse to sneak off to the supply closet.

[Emily]
Mmm. Yes. Actually, that’s a good one. Or, like, a skit and they have to go rehearse it in the supply closet.

[Thomas]
Right. Something along those lines. Some excuse for them to be together, away, where no one will interrupt them or see them, and they can be gone for a bit.

[Emily]
Yeah. And they’re gone longer, and Nick and Tabitha are kind of stuck with each other because they’re the only other person they know.

[Thomas]
Right. The only people they know are Gwen and Andrew.

[Emily]
They’re trying really hard, for the sake of their friendships, to get along.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
I would love to have them have an argument blaming each other for why their partner cheated.

[Thomas]
Yeah, totally.

[Emily]
“If you weren’t so demanding and controlling, he wouldn’t feel like he needed to be with a freer spirit.” “If you had fun once in a while, she wouldn’t-,” you know, that kind of stupid thing.

[Thomas]
Is this an argument they’re having in the elevator on the way down? They’ve discovered it. They both storm out, they grab their coats, they get on the elevator and they’re, at first they’re bitching about, “Can you believe they did this to us?”

[Emily]
Right, right.

[Thomas]
Blah, blah, blah. They’re united for a moment, and then once the doors close on the elevator, they start attacking each other.

[Shep]
Oh, they’re not just leaving at the same time. So, like, Andrew drove Tabitha to the party, so Tabitha needs a ride.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Like, they’re not friends, but she can’t stay here. Although these days, she could just call an Uber.

[Thomas]
I was going to say, is there a reason why she can’t do that?

[Shep]
It’s a movie. You pretend Uber doesn’t exist.

[Thomas]
Or her phone is dead.

[Shep]
Or she lost her phone, or some contrived-

[Thomas]
Right. Some contrived reason why she can’t. And so she’s like, “I’ll hail a cab.” If this is New York, then great. She could. If this is, like, a smaller city, then, “Well, no cab is gonna drive by. It’s, you know, 11:00 p.m.”

[Emily]
I really want to, like, point to how contrived this is just for people to make it a little funnier and have it be like, her phone does die or something. It had been brought up earlier that she needs to replace it, but she’s waiting for the new whatever to come out, so she’s just gonna limp it along. Right? And it dies at the party. And so she’s now, like, fuming because there’s no such thing as phone books anymore. All the computers are locked up because it’s an office. No one has access to them.

[Thomas]
Well, they’ve already exited the building, so she can’t just go in and use the phone.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
The door is shut and locked behind them.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
So she, maybe she asks him, “Can you call me an Uber?” You know, she’s just angry and, like, just “Order me an Uber. I’ll Venmo you when I get my phone charged.” And he’s like-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
“I’ll just drive you. I have a car.”

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, that’s good. I don’t think it’s that contrived. If we’ve established previously that, like, her phone is janky and the battery sucks and needs to be replaced.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
But she has a good reason why she hasn’t yet.

[Emily]
Yeah. Because she’s, you know, that person. She’s gotta have the next big thing.

[Thomas]
Well, cause, like, Apple has announced the next iPhone.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
“It comes out next month. I just have to wait until next month and then I’ll get a new phone.”

[Shep]
Does Apple announce that their phones are coming out in a month?

[Thomas]
I, uh…

[Shep]
Whatever company sponsors the movie.

[Thomas]
Right. What are some of the classic rom-com tropes we need to- or beats that we need to hit? I’m thinking about, like, story structure here.

[Shep]
I mean, I’ve never seen a rom-com, so I’m not, I’m not sure. They have to have a fight at the end.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Mmm.

[Thomas]
The fake fight.

[Shep]
The fake fight, which I never like. Maybe we shouldn’t do that because it’s so common and everyone knows that it’s not a real thing.

[Thomas]
Well, and usually it’s one of those things where it’s like, “Why didn’t you say something? Why did you just let them walk away? You have a valid reason!”

[Shep]
Yeah. The whole “We’ll talk about it later” thing, always-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That’s where I really liked Everything Everywhere All at Once, where he’s like, “We don’t have time to explain.” And she’s like, “No, explain it right now.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And he’s like, “Okay.” It’s like, yes! More of that in movies, please.

[Thomas]
Well, I mean, obviously we have the kiss at the end, so we could jump to the end and figure that out. So we know the beginning. Maybe we figure out the end and then work our way in?

[Shep]
Well, they got to go back to the picnic table.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Right!

[Emily]
That’s where the kiss has to be.

[Shep]
That’s where the kiss has to be.

[Thomas]
Yes. Totally agree. How does that get arranged? Did their friends arrange it? Is it like You’ve Got Mail where they both just sort of show up there? “I had hoped it was you.”

[Shep]
Oh, God, I hate that movie. Shop Around the Corner was so great. And “You’ve got mail” was such shit. Okay, so how do they end up at the picnic table at the end?

[Emily]
Well, it’s post fight. Right? Post fake fight.

[Shep]
Post fake fight.

[Thomas]
I mean, some things we can keep in mind that might give us some ideas: What time of day, what time of year.

[Shep]
It’s a year since the previous time, so it’s spring again.

[Emily]
It’s spring-

[Thomas]
Okay. Yeah.

[Shep]
Which is the time for love.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Afternoon, golden hour.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
So, okay. Was that a Christmas party or was that just a holiday party?

[Emily]
No, it was a Christmas party.

[Thomas]
Because that makes that happen pretty late in the film, then.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
The fight?

[Shep]
So, no, them finding out that their partners are cheating on them happens at Christmas. So they just have, like, you know, the end of winter and the beginning of spring to, like, try to be a couple themselves and then have the fight that breaks them up temporarily.

[Emily]
Right. And I think before that, we could plant the seeds of the relationship that they’re going to have when they have interactions. Like, we’ll show them having dinners, like, because they’re a solid foursome. Right?

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
That’s what we’re gonna do?

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Are there a couple other friends, though, I think?

[Emily]
Oh, obviously.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Okay.

[Shep]
Right. When they do group things, there’s lots more people.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
But then you have double dates, basically.

[Emily]
So we’re gonna do, like, a year-in-the-life thing, which is one of my favorite tropes. So we’ve got the internship, spring, graduation start thing there, and then we’ve gotta have a Halloween party. So they all go in couples costumes, but Gwen and Andrew go as a couple because they had to dress the same for work. So we’re gonna build that in there.

[Thomas]
Yeah. They came from the work party to this one.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
It’s like, “Wow, we already have-“

[Emily]
So they’re in a couple’s costume and Nick and-

[Thomas]
“We can only do one costume. Not made of money.”

[Emily]
Right. And Nick and Tabitha end up doing a couple’s costume accidentally. Cause they’re, like, what independent thing can I be? And then they somehow end up being a couple’s costume.

[Shep]
Thomas and I have done that a couple times.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yeah. Not intentionally.

[Emily]
Right?

[Shep]
Not planned.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
We didn’t coordinate in any way.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah. I think those are great ideas. I think that’s very funny.

[Emily]
Yeah. Because then you can see them interacting because people gush over Gwen and Andrew’s costume and kind of drag them away so they can take pictures of, like, best costume contest or whatever.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
So then they’re always kind of stuck together for some reason. Like, their friends like them, and they’re fine people, but they’re not their friend’s favorite person, you know? So-

[Shep]
Yeah. They’re a little much. They’re real intense.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
You know, they’re super Type-A, where all their friends are more easy going.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
That’s why none of the other friends were there at the beginning when they each claimed the picnic table.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Because all the friends are just like, “Whatever. Go with the flow.”

[Thomas]
And why none of them cared that they had to share the table.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Like, “Hey, at least we got a table.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
So is the Christmas party. Is the discovery of the affair at the Christmas party? That’s the mid second act turning point.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And so they fight in the elevator. They’re yelling at each other on the sidewalk. She’s like, “Damn it.” As he’s kind of, like, walking away, and he’s like, “What?” She’s like, “My phone battery died.”

[Shep]
“My phone battery died because you were arguing with me, so I didn’t have time to order an Uber.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
“This is your fault.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
“You owe me an Uber.”

[Shep]
“You owe me an Uber. Call me an Uber.”

[Thomas]
And then do we see them, like, driving in silence? Like, they’re both, like, fuming.

[Emily]
Yes. And then he’s like, “Are you hungry?” Like, in that angry stilted-

[Thomas]
Well, so does the fight continue or do they both sort of, like, calm down while it’s quiet. And then one of them’s like, “Hey, I’m real sorry. Like, obviously, I was emotional from, you know, what just happened.”

[Emily]
Yeah, I want that eventually to happen, but I think there’s still a little fumey and silent in the car. And he’s like, “Are you hungry? I didn’t get a chance to eat. I don’t know about you.”

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah. So he says something about, like, “I’m going to stop at (insert restaurant that’s sponsoring us here).”

[Emily]
Right. And I want it to be something that she’s like, “Oh, my god, I love them.” And then they both, at the same time, do that really cheesy, “Their chili fries!” or whatever thing.

[Thomas]
Right? Yes. “Nobody else likes the chili fries!”

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
“That’s the best thing on the menu!”

[Emily]
“They’re the best, 100%.”

[Thomas]
“Did you- it’s the only thing from the original menu that survived. Everything else is different. Chili fries have stayed the same for the last 40 years. I mean, I’m only 27 in this film, but.” So then that’s where they kind of begin to commiserate.

[Emily]
Yeah. That’s where they kind of soften towards each other and, like, talk about how, you know, “He was such an asshole. You’re a good catch. And you were too good for Andrew. I always thought that.”

[Thomas]
“I think we need to get a drink.”

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And they go to a bar.

[Emily]
And she forces him to dance because that has to happen.

[Thomas]
Oh, no. There’s a couples dance contest at the bar and they’re like, “Fuck Gwen and Andrew. We’re the couple now.”

[Emily]
Yes. I like that.

[Shep]
Are they doing it to spite the others?

[Emily]
100% at first.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Like, yes. And also to make themselves feel a little bit better, like, “I’m not unlovable.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
“I’m not alone.” But that’s not the- That’s like, the subtext of it, right?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So how do they run into Gwen and Andrew in the future?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Because there’s got to be more-

[Emily]
Oh, yeah. There’s gotta be some awkward apologies and-

[Shep]
Right. Oh, when is the new year’s party?

[Emily]
Mmm.

[Shep]
Someone’s got to host a new year’s party. It’s right after the Christmas party.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah.

[Emily]
Like, within two or three weeks, because office Christmas parties are at the very beginning of December.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Right. This is where Nick and Tabitha have a kiss. Not because they want to kiss each other, necessarily, but because it’s midnight and Gwen and Andrew are kissing.

[Emily]
This is the spiteful kiss.

[Shep]
This is a spiteful kiss.

[Emily]
Yeah. They had fun doing their little bonding, drinking, dancing thing.

[Thomas]
But they didn’t kiss.

[Emily]
They didn’t kiss.

[Shep]
They didn’t kiss because they’re not a couple.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
He dropped her off, respectfully. She went to bed.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
They had separate hangovers the next morning.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And it was like a nice goodbye. Like, “This was actually kind of fun, all things considered,”

[Emily]
Right. “Thanks for making the night a little less shitty.”

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
“Thanks for making the worst day of my life a little less shit.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
To the new year’s party, are they thinking that the four of them won’t show up at all? Or do they think, like, Nick and Tabitha won’t show up? Or that Gwen and Andrew won’t show up?

[Shep]
Well, their circles of friends are now one big circle of friends.

[Emily]
Right. One big circle of friends, so everybody kind of knows.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
So of course, they can’t not invite anybody. So all four are invited. I think Nick and Tabitha are the kind of Type-As who are like, “Look, they’re the ones who did something wrong. We have no reason not to show our faces.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
“We’re in the clear here.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
“So logically, they shouldn’t come.” And of course Gwen and Andrew are going to come.

[Shep]
Yeah. Because they’re all easy going and all their friends are easy going.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And they’re like, “Yeah, whatever.”

[Emily]
And they’re like, “Yeah, you guys are the better couple. It makes sense,”

[Shep]
Right. “I always thought that you two should have been a couple.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Yeah. All of their other friends are on Gwen and Andrew’s side.

[Thomas]
Like, they definitely agree, that was a shitty way of going about it.

[Emily]
It was a shitty way to do it. But also, they’re such a good couple.

[Thomas]
Because there’s, like, they’ve gone to, like, brunch with Gwen and Andrew that Nick and Tabitha didn’t go to. Maybe Gwen and Andrew arranged it and invited everybody except Nick and Tabitha. Or maybe they did invite Nick and Tabitha and they were like, “No, I’m not going to that.” So at this party-

[Shep]
The new year’s party.

[Thomas]
Yes, this new year’s party, when Nick and Tabitha kiss, does anyone else see it? Like, if it’s meant to be a spiteful kiss, they must be making a show of it, right?

[Shep]
No one is paying attention to them at all.

[Emily]
Yeah. Yeah. They are making a show of it. Just, no one cares.

[Thomas]
So they try to get everyone to see it and no one cares and no one notices?

[Shep]
I don’t know if they’re both doing it. I think Tabitha kisses Nick and then looks over to see if Andrew noticed. And he didn’t. Because he’s kissing Gwen and she just storms off. She doesn’t even look at Nick. She kisses him and leaves. And he’s like, “What? What was that?”

[Emily]
Then he stumbles after her and is like, “What was that about?”

[Thomas]
I mean, he must.

[Emily]
“You can’t just go around kissing men. You can’t just kiss men for no reason.”

[Thomas]
“That’s harassment.”

[Shep]
I think that she is gone. I think she got in her car and took off.

[Emily]
Just go.

[Shep]
And he’s, like, yelling at her car. Because he does try to go after her.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Because of course he would. But he’s delayed by a moment processing what happened.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Because it’s a little shocking to be kissed by somebody who you thought you hated because he kind of liked it. Because it made it move a little bit, so-

[Shep]
He was like, “Oh, I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
And he’s got a process: One, that she kissed him. Two, that he liked it. And three, she’s gone.

[Shep]
Yeah, she kissed him and made him feel things and then abandoned him, just like everyone.

[Emily]
Just like his mother.

[Shep]
Yes. Well, I was gonna say just like Gwen, but yeah.

[Thomas]
Has she gotten the new phone yet?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Because why doesn’t he just call her after she drives off?

[Emily]
Oh.

[Shep]
I mean, he could, but she’s not answering the phone. She’s driving.

[Thomas]
Well, I guess, what happens next?

[Emily]
He has to confront her.

[Thomas]
Does he want something to happen? Does this awaken a realization in him of, like, “Oh, I like her,” and so he wants to do a romantic gesture? Or is he like, “Hey, we need to talk about how you sexually assaulted me at the party.”

[Shep]
I don’t think he phrases it like that.

[Thomas]
No.

[Shep]
But he does want to talk about it. But he’s not phrasing it like, “Hey, we should totally date.” He’s like, “Hey, we need to talk about what that was.” Because he doesn’t know how she feels.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Hmm. Right.

[Shep]
Now that he knows that he might have feelings for her. As in, he definitely does.

[Thomas]
He’s trying to suss out if she feels the same.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Because she wouldn’t have kissed him if she didn’t have something. Right? Women don’t just go around kissing men that they don’t have feelings for.

[Shep]
Right. So he’s texting her. He’s trying to arrange another meeting. Like, “Hey, let’s go out to lunch or whatever.” And she’s not responding to him yet because she also doesn’t know how she feels. Because she was mad at Nick in the moment, and she wasn’t really thinking clearly.

[Emily]
She acted on impulse.

[Shep]
She acted on impulse.

[Emily]
But then she also didn’t hate it.

[Shep]
Right. Maybe that’s why she ran out. She’s like, “I can’t deal with this right now. If I stay, we’ll have to talk about it, and I can’t yet.” So she books it, and so she’s not responding to his texts. And his texts are getting more like- Because not only did he just lose his girlfriend, but he realizes that he’s friends with Tabitha. Like, they haven’t gotten along. But now that he’s not seeing her all the time, he misses that interaction, and so maybe he texts, “Hey, I miss you,” or something like that.

[Emily]
Plus, they also have their own inside jokes because of their personality types and their annoyance with everyone else.

[Shep]
Yes. Also, they’ve spent a lot of time together, just the two of them.

[Emily]
Yeah. A lot of time together.

[Thomas]
Yeah. I think during those times when Gwen and Andrew have left the two of them alone together, that’s when they’ve developed some of those inside jokes. And so we see that the genesis of some of those jokes earlier in the film. And that comes back later.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Emily]
Have they seen each other since the Christmas party? Nick and Tabitha? Because they wouldn’t have. There’s no reason for them to.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
So this would have been the first time in a few weeks that they’ve seen each other.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
And, you know, they’re still dealing with their own shit, so they weren’t really thinking about it. But then with the kiss, they’re both like, “Oh, shit.”

[Thomas]
So with that kiss, what I’m imagining is the big countdown happens. Everyone’s paired off, of course, and they’re just sort of sitting on a couch or standing, or, however the blocking is. They’re next to each other, like, “All right, well, gee, this kind of sucks. Everyone has someone.” You know, like, they’re not saying anything, but they have that look on their face of, like, “Okay, well.”

[Emily]
Mmm.

[Thomas]
And Tabitha looks over and she sees Gwen and Andrew kissing, and she gets, like, a, “Ooh, those jerks” look on her face. And she turns and grabs Nick and kisses him. But then there’s this moment where they’re both sort of looking at each other with like a, “Oh.”

[Emily]
Exactly.

[Thomas]
And then she snaps out of it and turns back, sees that nobody noticed it, and runs off?

[Shep]
Yeah, that’s how I’m picturing it.

[Thomas]
And so I like that that’s the first time they’ve seen each other since the Christmas party because that means their relationship hasn’t developed at all since then.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
So the last thing was that vaguely positive inter-, I would say fairly positive interaction between them and a huge softening.

[Emily]
Yeah. They shared chili fries.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
They danced. They did shots.

[Shep]
Did they dance, or did they make fun of the couple’s dancing?

[Emily]
I think it’s better if they made fun of the couples dancing. And then we bring that back later and we find out they’re actually terrible dancers.

[Shep]
Or. They both study dancing in school and are excellent dancers and just have never had a chance to show off.

[Thomas]
Whatever it is, they’re at the same level.

[Shep]
Yeah. Whatever it is, they’re the same.

[Thomas]
If they were both excellent dancers, I would say that they would definitely enter the contest then. But that might bring them together too much in that moment.

[Shep]
Right. That’s what I’m thinking.

[Emily]
Which is why I think they should be very critical of the dancers. Like, they both are good dancers, and then later you find out, like, they know the theory, but they have no execution.

[Shep]
Or, no, they- They’re criticizing the dancers, like, everything they’re doing wrong, but each one doesn’t know if the other one wants to dance because they’re not a couple. They’re not really, they’re not close. And this is couples dancing.

[Emily]
That’s true. And they kind of- They don’t like each other. Right. Yeah, that makes sense.

[Shep]
Right. They’re still in that in between zone.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
But they both know enough to criticize what they’re seeing, and each one is trying to suss out the other, like, “Maybe they’ll ask me to dance,” but neither one asks the other, even though if they did ask, we’d be really good at it. So maybe that’s the ending is they dance together. That because they kiss earlier at the new year’s party.

[Emily]
Mmm. Yeah.

[Shep]
And so you can have a big musical number at the end during the credits.

[Emily]
So now I’m picturing, because I would love it, is that when they sit at the picnic table and have their big heart to heart and reunite and you think they’re gonna kiss, he’s like, “There is one thing.” Like, now I’m picturing it being fucking Ryan Reynolds too.

[Shep]
No, he’s way too old for this.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Yeah.

[Emily]
He is. But, like, somebody with that charisma going, “Wait, there is one thing I’ve gotta do.” And he picks her up, and then they start dancing.

[Thomas]
All right, we’ll take a break right here, and when we come back, we’ll find out what happens next for Nick and Tabitha on our picnic table episode.

[Break]

[Thomas]
All right, we’re back.

[Shep]
So we know how it ends.

[Emily]
Mm hmm. They dance.

[Thomas]
I think what we need to see more of is between that kiss, like, the development of their relationship.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
So kind of like the last half, or, I mean, what’s the- the lowest low is, that’s usually where the big fake fight happens.

[Shep]
Well, how long do you want between the lowest low and the happy ending?

[Emily]
It doesn’t have to be that long in something like this.

[Shep]
Because in rom-coms, it’s not very long.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
It’s true. That’s true.

[Emily]
Rom-coms, they don’t have to be very long. Because we don’t want to sit and wait.

[Shep]
Right. We know what’s going to happen.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Just let’s get there.

[Emily]
Just get it. Yeah.

[Thomas]
So it’s basically like, the third act is what we need to figure out now.

[Emily]
Correct.

[Shep]
So I am picturing after that kiss, during that really awkward time, they do get together for lunch or something and talk about what happened and talk about their feelings and agree, maybe they should try dating each other. And it’s super awkward because they’re so similar. They’re Type-A, but they’re also… not introverted. But they need that foil. They need that easy going person that is like, “Hey, you know, let’s go have a picnic wherever.” And then they go, “Okay, I can plan that.” But they need someone to, like, give them that push. Whereas when they don’t have that and each one is waiting for the other to suggest a thing, nothing ever happens.

[Thomas]
Mmm.

[Emily]
Oh. Because neither one has that spontaneity in them to go-

[Shep]
Right. Right.

[Thomas]
Both doers but not really thinkers.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
So they start awkwardly dating, but it’s not as passionate as it was when they were with Gwen and Andrew because they don’t have that type of personality. They haven’t found their groove yet. They haven’t found the way that they fit together yet. And they’re still- Each one is still trying to fit together like they did previously with Gwen and Andrew. And that also causes problems. Cause Tabitha is really hurt by what Andrew did. And that anger hasn’t gone away, and Andrew’s not around. And so she’s gonna yell at Nick about things that aren’t Nick’s fault because she’s mad. She’s not mad at Nick, but she is mad. And Nick is there.

[Emily]
Is Nick insecure too, in that he doesn’t know what he did wrong with Gwen? He did romantic gestures, you know, so he’s got that insecurity going in, and she’s always getting mad at him, and he doesn’t know how to fix it. And he doesn’t know what to do, and she doesn’t like his rules and-

[Shep]
Or he does some romantic gesture for her, but it’s something that Gwen would have liked.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
And she knows Gwen because there were friends.

[Emily]
Because he never really dated before Gwen. Like, he dated. He wasn’t, like, sulking in the background. Creepy guy at the party. He had dates, but he never, like, was with someone the way he was with Gwen.

[Shep]
Or maybe he was, but it was always like this, it lasts six months, and then they move on without him.

[Emily]
Hmm. So that builds that insecurity in him of, like, there’s something inherently wrong with me and my personality that everyone leaves.

[Thomas]
Is that one of the few aspects where they are truly different? Like, she’s always ended her relationships and his have always been ended by the other person.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
So this is, like, for him, he’s like, “Yep, this is what happens. This is how it works.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
And then for her, she’s just like, “What is this new experience that I’m having and do not like.”

[Shep]
Yes. That’s why she is so much more angry than he is.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Because for her, it’s this ultimate betrayal that she’s never experienced before. And for him, it’s Tuesday.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And that just further pulls them apart or, you know, gets in between them because he’s like, “Why are you freaking out? This is what happens.” “Not to me!”

[Shep]
Oh. I think maybe he doesn’t want to date her because he likes her.

[Emily]
Because he likes likes her.

[Shep]
Right. So he misses her and he wants to be friends and wants to do the friends things that they did before, going out to lunch and hanging out. Things that they did when they were dating other people that they did together. But she is thinking it’s a couples thing. But he doesn’t want to be a couple because if they are a couple, then she’s going to leave him, because that’s what always happens. So that’s his fear. So he’s afraid and she’s angry. How do we fix this? We’re all qualified psychological professionals.

[Emily]
Well we Hollywood fix it. That’s how.

[Shep]
You see them in couples counseling at the very end.

[Emily]
Well, what makes him make the turn? Like, so they go and have a brunch or something. Right? Post kiss.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
They have to have their post kiss discussion.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
They dissect what happened. And he just kind of wants to, like, like you said he likes her, but he wants her to stick around.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
So he’s trying to guess, to get an idea of what the kiss really was. “Were you just getting back at Andrew? Do you like me? Where do I stand?” And she’s like, “I don’t know. Yes?”

[Shep]
“Maybe?”

[Emily]
And he’s like, “Well-” And she’s like, “Well, maybe we should just spend time together.” He’s like, “I want to spend time with you, but-“

[Shep]
“I want to spend time with your butt”?

[Emily]
I mean, I’ve heard that a few times. Or does she in denial of it, too, at first? And so he’s just kind of like, “You know, let’s go do this thing.” And she’s like, “Wait, like a date?” And he’s like, “No. Like, two adults who enjoy the same thing. Let’s just go and do this.”

[Thomas]
Right. And so the trajectory that they’re both on is parallel, but it’s not the same trajectory.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
She’s like, “Ah, good. We’ll just start hanging out and see where it goes.” And he’s like, “Ah, good. We’ll just go back to hanging out.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah. Yeah.

[Thomas]
And so they’re on that same path of just hanging out. But their end goals are different.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
But his end goal is different because he’s afraid.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
He does like her. And if he were not afraid, he would want to be with her.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
But he is afraid.

[Emily]
Oh, and that’s why she starts getting angry. Yeah. She still got that anger from Andrew that she just hasn’t been able to get rid of yet. But also, he’s not showing the same inclinations towards her that she has for him as quickly as she wants to see it, because she’s also, you know, maybe she’s a relationship hopper, too, because she always ends them before they get too tough.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
So she’s just like, “This is the next one. I’m not out of a relationship long.” And so she’s like, “Let’s do it.” And he’s like, you know, not. And so she keeps getting angry with him, not just for that residual anger towards Andrew, but also because “You’re not playing the game.”

[Thomas]
I think it’s like shifting away from Andrew and toward him sort of slowly.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Are we seeing opportunities for cute, romantic things that she’s like, oh, “He’s gonna do some romantic gesture here.” But then he doesn’t because he’s, like, not in that frame of mind.

[Shep]
Right,

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
And she’s like, “How is he missing these perfect opportunities to woo me?”

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Oh, like, he could pick a flower and just be like, “Huh. That’s an unusual,” you know, talk about it or whatever and then just toss it.

[Shep]
Oh, he puts it in his lapel.

[Emily]
I was just like, he was gonna toss it behind him or, yeah, put it in his lapel. And she’s like, “Why did you tell me that whole story about the flower?”

[Shep]
Ha.

[Emily]
And he’s like, “Well it’s interesting.”

[Thomas]
He kind of jumps ahead of her and opens the door, but then, like, before she goes, he holds her back because some old lady is coming out the door. He’s like, not opened it for her.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Her.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
He’s opened it for a different person.

[Emily]
They’re watching a movie. It’s kind of a steamy movie. And I think she’s like thinking, “Oh, we’re gonna start making out. We’re gonna get somewhere with this.” And then. Nope. He like leans over like he’s gonna like-

[Shep]
Put his arm around her. But he picks up something.

[Emily]
Takes the blanket from her.

[Shep]
Oh, he picks up the blanket off the back of the couch. And she’s thinking, “Oh, we’re gonna-“

[Emily]
“We’ll snuggle in together.”

[Shep]
Right. But he just puts it over himself. And she’s like, “I’m cold too.” And he’s like, “Oh, there’s more blankets in the closet.”

[Emily]
“I’ll go get you one.”

[Shep]
No, he’s not gonna get up. He’s like, he tells her where it is.

[Thomas]
So how do we get them together? Is that what they fight about? Is that what their fight is? Is-

[Emily]
Well, that’s what I was thinking. That should be what their fight is. She’s like, “I kissed you. We date.” And he’s like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We’re not dating.” “We go to movies together, we have meals together. I’ve met your brother. We’re dating.” “We don’t have sex. We don’t kiss. We don’t-“

[Thomas]
“We’re practically married.”

[Emily]
Maybe that could start the argument is that she’s had a little bit of. Oh wait, no, that’s always problematic. Never mind.

[Thomas]
Oh. So, they- He organizes a picnic. It’s just them at the table. He, like, takes her to the table and she’s like, “All right, it’s all been worth it. All the heartaches that he’s put me through in the past. The only reason he would bring me here is because he wants to be serious, because the history we have at this picnic table.” And he doesn’t ask her out. He’s like, “Okay, let’s go.” And after the meal, he’s like, packing up and she’s like, “There’s nothing else you want to ask me or say to me or whatever.” And he’s like, like, “What?” And that’s when it’s kind of come to a head for her. She’s like, sick of it. And so that’s the fight. But they resolve it there like adults because we don’t have to-

[Emily]
So we have that lowest low, that fight and the resolution. Same scene?

[Thomas]
Sure. Why not?

[Emily]
Let’s do it. I’m good. There’s no storming off, waiting three days, crying by a window.

[Thomas]
Yeah. I mean, again, everyone’s seen a rom-com. Why delay the inevitable?

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
We know what’s going to happen, so let’s show a much more healthy version of that. But I think it’s a great chance for them to both bring up their respective issues and work through them together.

[Emily]
And then instead of kissing, they dance.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Because dancing is euphemism for sex that they-

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
That’s the running theme for the movie. Whenever they’re talking about dancing, they’re talking about sex.

[Emily]
Talking about sex. Alright. I like that.

[Shep]
So that “dancing” scene at the end, the number that we see, that’s a euphemism that they went all the way. The audience gets it. They know what that meant.

[Thomas]
Is there anything else we need to figure out for our story?

[Shep]
I mean, there’s a big chunk at the beginning-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Where they are the third wheels in Gwen and Andrew’s burgeoning relationship.

[Emily]
Rom-com.

[Shep]
But this is, you know, pitches. This isn’t full scripts.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
I feel like that’s the least important part of this story.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Alright. Are we happy with this then?

[Shep]
I’m happy with a lot of it. I like the premise.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
I’m happy with most of it.

[Shep]
I like the resolution. I like the dancing as a euphemism for sex. I like that it ends in a dance number.

[Thomas]
Yeah. I feel like the picnic table played a nice, important part to their relationship.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
It begins and ends there.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
It comes full circle.

[Thomas]
Well, we’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode about a picnic table. Did we earn a seat at the table, or was it a few sandwiches shy of a picnic basket? Let us know by leaving a comment on our website, reaching out on social media, or sending us an email. Links to all of those can be found at AlmostPlausible.com, where you will also find complete transcripts for every episode, as well as links to the references we make on the show. Hopefully you’re able to get out and enjoy some nice weather wherever you are and perhaps have a picnic yourself. Emily, Shep, and I will see you again on the next episode of Almost Plausible.

[Outro music]

[Emily]
See? It would be adorable. You two are in love.

[Shep]
Is this how I find out?

[Thomas]
I can finally get off the fucking dating apps. I shouldn’t say that while Shep is taking a big sip. Sorry.

[Emily]
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hinge has told me he’s my match.

[Shep]
Yeah. Yeah, I forgot. We match a lot.

[Emily]
Several times. They’re like, “Have you talked to this person yet?” And it’s Shep.

[Shep]
“You have a lot in common.” Yeah, I know.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
We’re friends.

[Shep]
You’re not wrong.

[Thomas]
I think last time I was on the app, it told me that “We think you and Emily should meet.” And I’m like, well, Hinge. I have some news for you.

[Emily]
“Well, I have some good news.”

[Thomas]
We’ve met. We’ve known each other for quite some time.

[Shep]
It turns out that Emily just shows up as everyone’s match.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
But why can’t I find one person?

[Shep]
She’s the Type-O of dating.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
She’s everyone’s match.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Whereas I’m Type-AB Negative.

[Thomas]
You just be negative anyway, so.

[Shep]
Ha. It’s not true at all.

[Thomas]
No.

[Shep]
That’s why it’s funny.

[Thomas]
Yeah.