Christmas Lights

This episode briefly discusses suicide. Please take care when listening. If you or someone you know is in an emotional crisis, reach out to the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing or texting 988.

References

• Deck the Halls
• Haul Out the Holly
• Monster House
• Up
• Macaulay Culkin
• The Nightmare Before Christmas
• Almost Plausible: Bones
• Almost Plausible: Eggnog
• Almost Plausible: Wreath
• E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (video game)
• E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
• The Little Mermaid
• Tangled
• The Hudsucker Proxy
• Almost Plausible: Bag of Chips
• The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
• Thomas Kinkade
• Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
• Monsters, Inc.
• Who Framed Roger Rabbit
• It’s a Wonderful Life
• A Christmas Carol
• Tamagotchi
• Wreck-It Ralph

Transcript

[Intro music begins]

[Thomas]
I do like the idea that the Christmas world is threatened by a loss of electricity and so they’re stealing it from our world. That’s funny.

[Shep]
Well, because people stopped believing in Christmas.

[Emily]
So the meter is low and the power is going. Yeah.

[Shep]
Right. We’ve all seen that.

[Emily]
We know how the North Pole works.

[Thomas]
The tooth fairy is burning teeth in the furnace as fast as she can.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
“It’s just not enough.”

[Emily]
Fictional infrastructure is very, very shaky.

[Intro music]

[Thomas]
Hey, there, story fans. Welcome to Almost Plausible, the podcast where we take ordinary objects and turn them into movies. To do that, we start by picking an everyday object, pitching ideas where that object plays a critical role in the story, and then working together to develop that pitch into a movie plot. I’m Thomas J. Brown, and with me are my gifted co-hosts, Emily-

[Emily]
Hey, guys.

[Thomas]
And F. Paul Shepard.

[Shep]
Happy to be- Oh, gifted because Christmas. Not gifted because smart, obviously.

[Emily]
No, we’re gifting ourselves to the audience.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Yeah.

[Shep]
Our presence are our presents.

[Thomas]
If this is what you’re getting for Christmas, I’m sorry.

[Emily]
I’m not. I’m pretty freaking awesome.

[Shep]
It was this or socks.

[Thomas]
Ooh, I do like toasty toes.

[Emily]
As an adult, socks are a really good present now.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Darn. Okay.

[Shep]
(pained) Ah.

[Thomas]
With Christmas just a week away, we’ve chosen a festive object for our episode today: Christmas Lights. Emily, Shep, I have two questions for you about Christmas lights. First, colored or white? And second, small bulbs or big bulbs.

[Shep]
That sounds so racist. I mean, colored, I guess I prefer even though I can’t see colors, I like the variety. White is just a meh.

[Emily]
Yeah, I prefer the colors. I feel like the glow is just happier and more homey.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
I think white is very sterile.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
And small bulbs for the tree, large bulbs for outside.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Yep, that is the correct answer.

[Thomas]
I agree. Well, let’s get this Christmas show underway. Shep, what are your pitches for Christmas Lights?

[Shep]
My pitches? All right. A young man with a family moves into a neighborhood where every house really gets into the Christmas spirit.

[Thomas]
I’ve also seen this movie. So.

[Emily]
Yeah, me too. Just this week.

[Shep]
What was this movie?

[Thomas]
Deck the Halls. Is that it?

[Emily]
Yeah. Haul out the Holly is the one I watched.

[Thomas]
Oh, okay.

[Shep]
Do you need the rest of the pitch or do you guys got it?

[Thomas]
I don’t know. Let’s-

[Emily]
No, no, keep going.

[Thomas]
Let’s hear the rest of your pitch. Maybe it’ll be different.

[Shep]
All right. Every house really gets into the Christmas spirit, and everything is covered with Christmas lights. Except one house in the middle, which does nothing. It is a dark void and the new neighbor thinks it kind of puts a damper on the whole thing. He wants to talk to the old Grinch that lives there, but the other neighbors tell him to leave it alone. It turns out that the Christmas-less void house used to be the most festive of all. And in fact was so festive that the other neighbors eventually joined in with the Christmas spirit. But planning the decorating was done by the Grinch’s wife, who has now passed on. The grumpy old man doesn’t want to have anything to do with Christmas or lights as everything reminds him of what he has lost.

[Emily]
Yeah, this is different.

[Thomas]
So it’s Deck the Halls meets Monster House.

[Emily]
Meets Up.

[Thomas]
Yeah, this is like the inverse of Deck the Halls, where the guy was trying to have his house be so bright that it could be seen from space. So this is, like, the opposite of that. He wants none of that.

[Shep]
Yep, that’s it for me. Emily, what do you have?

[Emily]
I’ve got a couple of interesting ones. And by interesting, I mean Hallmark, please purchase my first story. It’s right up your alley.

[Shep]
We will judge whether they’re interesting.

[Emily]
Seraphine Baxter, a young widow and mother of precocious twin boys, is living in the small town her deceased husband Roger grew up in.

[Shep]
Are we supposed to be naming our characters now? Because I didn’t name anyone in mine.

[Emily]
Oh, no. I named all of the characters in this pitch only.

[Shep]
Seraphine Baxter.

[Thomas]
It seems like a very Hallmark name.

[Emily]
I go hard into the Hallmark theme.

[Shep]
All right.

[Emily]
The only family she has are her in-laws, and this is the first Christmas the family will be without Roger. He was the biggest Christmas fan there ever was. Seraphine doesn’t want to disappoint their sons, but is struggling to get into the spirit. She decides to hire a local do-gooder, Bryson MacCauley, to set up Christmas lights around her house. She is very pleased with his work and he is smitten with her. She is surprised he shows up the next day with more lights, and she explains she cannot afford to pay him for more labor or lights. He says it’s on the house because he wants her and her small family to have the best Christmas they can. Soon, she is smitten with Bryson as well, but becomes conflicted when her mother-in-law insists the whole family come to her house for Christmas dinner. She doesn’t know what will happen if they find out she might have found the next love of her life.

[Shep]
So her mother insists the whole family come to her house. Who is the her in that sentence? The mother-in-law or Seraphine Baxter?

[Emily]
Seraphine.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Does Bryson do other chores around the house, too?

[Emily]
Of course. Yeah.

[Thomas]
Does he fix, like, tile that needs some more grout and he fixes a leak, and then is he MaCaulay Caulkin?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
(pained groan) I assume that he must be very handsome because-

[Thomas]
He’s Hallmark handsome.

[Emily]
He’s Hallmark handsome.

[Shep]
If it were an unattractive guy doing this, then it would be super creepy if he just keeps showing up with more lights.

[Emily]
Clearly, Shep, you have not watched very many Hallmark Christmas movies.

[Shep]
I think you are correct in that statement.

[Emily]
Because everything about this pitch is all of the information you need for a Hallmark movie.

[Shep]
It’s so creepy.

[Thomas]
I’m just getting a call from Hallmark now, and the reply is good enough. So.

[Emily]
All right, so moving on to my second pitch. Dylan is a quiet loner.

[Shep]
You just said you only put names on the first one. And the very first word of your second pitch is a name.

[Emily]
No, no, no, no.

[Shep]
You lied to me.

[Emily]
If you recall, I said I named. Oh, I didn’t name the mother-in-law.

[Thomas]
This is a Christmas betrayal.

[Emily]
I named all the characters in my first pitch.

[Thomas]
Did you name her kids?

[Emily]
I didn’t name her kids and I didn’t name the mother-in-law. So I did fail.

[Thomas]
They named the primary characters.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
There we go.

[Emily]
So in this one, there’s only one name. Dylan is a quiet loner, often seen wearing all black and avoiding people at all costs. As Christmas approaches, the community is stricken with fear as people begin disappearing. At first, there are no clues to the disappearances, but after the fifth victim vanishes, Polaroids of the missing community members begin popping up randomly around town. The only clue the photos offer are each victim is tied up with glowing Christmas lights. As concerns grow, so do accusations. Dylan becomes the main subject of suspicion. He swears it’s not him, but the only way to know is to search his home. But there isn’t any evidence, so the police’s hands are tied. Will the vigilantes take justice into their own hands? Or will Dylan be able to prove his innocence?

[Thomas]
The police’s hands tied with Christmas lights?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So this started with people disappearing around Christmas. And my first thought was they just went home for the holidays. Like, how is anybody noticing anybody is quote-unquote “missing”?

[Emily]
These are longtime generational community members.

[Thomas]
So they’re not coming to the neighborhood Christmas party.

[Shep]
Oh, they must be missing. Call the police.

[Thomas]
So what is Dylan to blame? Do you have a plan, or is that a thing we have to figure out if we select this one?

[Emily]
I do have a plan, and it’s not Dylan.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
I wanted it to be like a witch- A Christmas witch hunt is what I wanted. You know, the complete opposite of Christmas. They’re not taking the loner in and giving him love and affection and blossoming him into a happy member of society.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Emily]
They are berating him, beating him down, and accusing him of truly awful things.

[Shep]
Just what we need this time of year.

[Emily]
Anyway, Thomas, what do you have for us?

[Thomas]
As Christmas approaches and the snow falls, Victoria’s depression grows stronger. She’s in her mid-30s, she’s single, she lives in a small town, and she’s a bit of a grinch.

[Emily]
I get it.

[Thomas]
Pretty soon, she’s going to be accused of tying people up with Christmas lights. She read online that getting outside can help alleviate depression, but she doesn’t like going out during the day where everyone’ll wish her a Merry Christmas. So she starts taking walks at night. On one of those walks, she notices a long string of Christmas lights hanging from a lamppost that disappears around the corner of a house. She looks around the corner and sees the lights leading up into the woods. Her curiosity is piqued and she decides to follow the string of lights. Eventually, they lead to an abandoned cabin covered in colorful Christmas decorations.

[Emily]
And she ends up tied up with those Christmas lights.

[Thomas]
The door to the cabin is slightly ajar and a warm light is emanating from inside, so Victoria enters. As soon as she steps over the threshold, she is enveloped by warm air and a smell of pine and cinnamon. Victoria quickly realizes she has been transported to an entirely Christmas-themed world.

[Shep]
So this is completely different from The Nightmare Before Christmas…

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Because…

[Emily]
It’s a woman and not a skeleton.

[Thomas]
To be fair, there’s a woman’s skeleton inside of her, though. So.

[Emily]
This is true. Good point.

[Shep]
It’s longing to be free!

[Thomas]
All right, which pitch do we like the best?

[Shep]
What is the tone that we’re going for? Is it happy Christmas or is it scary, depressed Christmas?

[Emily]
So Eggnog was over the top, happy, joyful. Wreath was a journey through hell.

[Thomas]
Literally. Yeah. So maybe somewhere in the middle?

[Emily]
Somewhere in the middle is what we need.

[Thomas]
Or back to happy.

[Shep]
Man, Eggnog was so good.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I listen to that one every year.

[Emily]
So I think this year, we should go happy.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Makes sense.

[Emily]
And the Christmas-themed world, while striking quite a resemblance to Nightmare Before Christmas, it is also several other Christmas movies. It’s just a trope. Can we set that trope on its head?

[Thomas]
Yeah, sure.

[Emily]
Because mine is a straight-up Hallmark movie. It’s gonna write itself.

[Shep]
I mean it already did. You laid out- You even gave everyone names.

[Emily]
I did.

[Shep]
So did Thomas, by the way.

[Emily]
We keep getting berated for not having names, and then we sit for 10 minutes deciding names. So I was just like, oh, I am good at naming Hallmark characters. So I got this on lockdown. I actually thought when she was following the lights, she was going to end up meeting somebody handsome.

[Shep]
Who ties her up with the Christmas lights?

[Emily]
I mean, some people are into that.

[Shep]
So why do they need a string of lights from this world running into the other world?

[Emily]
They’re luring somebody into their world.

[Shep]
Are they luring somebody or did they just forget to pay their power bill?

[Emily]
Oh, I actually really love that.

[Thomas]
I do like the idea that the Christmas world is threatened by a loss of electricity and so they’re stealing it from our world. That’s funny.

[Shep]
Well, because people stopped believing in Christmas.

[Emily]
So the meter is low and the power is going. Yeah.

[Shep]
Right. We’ve all seen that.

[Emily]
We know how the North Pole works.

[Thomas]
The tooth fairy is burning teeth in the furnace as fast as she can.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
“It’s just not enough.”

[Emily]
Fictional infrastructure is very, very shaky.

[Shep]
Yeah. I don’t know what Santa’s plan was, but giving away presents is not a sustainable business model.

[Thomas]
Yeah, no.

[Shep]
All right, well, I guess we’re doing this one.

[Thomas]
Okay, yeah.

[Emily]
Yes, we are.

[Shep]
Okay. They needed the string of lights for some reason.

[Thomas]
To power their Xbox that they-

[Shep]
To power- Here is my new idea: It’s not all of Christmasland that needs electricity. It is one person’s room. So Christmasland is old school. Their toys are made of wood. They don’t have electricity. They don’t have any modern anything. It’s like they got stuck in the technology hundreds of years ago. They have that and they have Santa’s magic, and they don’t need anything else. They don’t want to modernize. Santa doesn’t want to modernize. But let’s say this is Santa’s son or daughter or something, and she has an Xbox and she wants to play it. So she needs electricity for the TV and the console. So she has plugged in this string of lights because that’s all they have, right? They don’t have, like, extension cables because why would they?

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Now, she managed to get a string of Christmas lights, because they’re Christmas-themed, and she used that as an extension cable. Unfortunately, it does leave a trail of lights that someone could follow, but she didn’t anticipate that because she is young. And so this is an unintended consequence. She wasn’t intending to lure anyone. She just wanted to play (insert console game here).

[Thomas]
Right. Whatever the big game is, that Microsoft is trying to shill for the season.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
When this movie comes out.

[Shep]
Yes. Let’s get them to sponsor.

[Thomas]
In lieu of something definite, we’ll just say “E. T.”

[Shep]
Is E. T. a Christmas movie? He’s got a light on his finger.

[Thomas]
It’s a Halloween movie, isn’t it?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
I like this idea. Does Santa ask the daughter, “Why do you mess with the English stuff?”

[Shep]
It’s Ariel and King Triton.

[Emily]
There you go.

[Shep]
She is obsessed with the stuff from… It’s ar. Oh, god. It’s just Little Mermaid. The more I think about it.

[Emily]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She wants to get up to speed on the toy manufacturing and continue creating magic for children because, you know, the magic’s running out. But what do children want these days? They don’t want a wooden duck that you pull on a string. They want an Xbox, so they have to understand the Xbox. So she’s trying to learn and understand the technology. So she knows what direction to move.

[Thomas]
Right. It’s not that she’s a stoner. It’s that she’s doing market research.

[Emily]
Yes, 100%.

[Thomas]
Product development. I want to see a product development meeting where Santa’s like, “Oh, what are we going to release this year as toys?” And like, they’re all throwing out, you know, like, “Oh, you know, tin soldiers” or all these things. And she’s like, “Nobody wants this.” And she’s like, explaining. And Santa’s like, “So hoop and stick again or…”

[Shep]
It’s a big circle, you know, for kids.

[Thomas]
Very good.

[Shep]
I’m thinking she’s cargo-culting it. Right? She’s trying to figure out how they can manufacture an Xbox. She managed to get an Xbox and so now she’s carved one out of wood. But no matter how she adjusts the cable going to it, it doesn’t light up the TV. It doesn’t seem to turn on. She can’t figure out what magic ingredient she’s missing.

[Thomas]
That makes her seem kind of thick.

[Shep]
She just doesn’t have technology.

[Emily]
The TV works. How does the TV work?

[Shep]
It’s plugged into the…

[Emily]
To the Christmas lights?

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Okay. She plugs in, also, the real Xbox. It works.

[Shep]
Right. So she can see how it works. She is a scientist. She’s thinking about it rationally.

[Emily]
But she doesn’t understand computer chips and RAM and hard drive.

[Shep]
Right. Their computer chips are made out of potatoes.

[Emily]
I like the idea of her trying to reverse-engineer one out of wood because that’s all the material she has.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
How does Victoria’s interaction with her move the story further along? How does she affect it?

[Shep]
Well, when Victoria shows up. Wait. Okay, I guess we need names for the characters.

[Thomas]
Uh oh. I’ll just pause the timer here.

[Shep]
What is Santa’s daughter’s name?

[Emily]
Persephone.

[Thomas]
It’s got to be something with a K, though. It’s got to be like Kristina or something because he’s Kris Kringle.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah.

[Thomas]
So she’d be like, Kristina Kringle.

[Shep]
Yeah, yeah. Let’s just do that first thing that came to your mind.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
Kristina.

[Emily]
Because Santa’s kind of an egotistical overlord, so of course he would name his child after himself.

[Thomas]
So does he call her Kris?

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
That’s like his pet name for-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And she hates it.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Yeah, because he clearly wanted a son. He doesn’t think she can handle the job.

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
Okay. Do they still make sexist movies anymore, or are we done with that? I’m okay with her wanting to prove herself to Santa, who doesn’t believe in her, but I don’t think it’s because she’s a girl.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
I think it’s because she is young.

[Emily]
Young, and she’s moving towards the antithesis of what he represents. That old-timey tradition.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
What is the resolution of this, then? Let’s skip ahead to the end.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
What happens in the end? Oh, Emily has an idea.

[Emily]
I do have an idea. Because you said she’s missing that magic component, and she doesn’t know how to make the wooden Xbox work.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
And, you know, aside from literally not having the components to make it work, her father doesn’t believe in her. Santas and Kringles are successful on belief.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
So her father’s lack of belief in her is keeping her from discovering that secret.

[Thomas]
Okay, so I think we can merge all of the issues or all of these ideas together into one. So, yeah, everything’s made out of wood. But in 2024, kids are getting Xboxes and things like that. Like, they’re getting presents that are clearly not wooden ducks on a string or stick and hoop or whatever. So how is that happening? It’s because they’re carving whatever it is and then magicking it to be the thing. And so she’s trying to do that and it’s not working. So maybe it’s not an Xbox. It’s whatever the next Furby is. Right? There’s some new thing and she’s like, “I’ve got this great idea for a toy.” And maybe it is like she wants to bring back an old classic, but updated. And so she can’t get the magic to work. And yeah, it’s because her dad doesn’t believe in her. And so then she also falls in love with Victoria because it’s also a rom-com or-

[Emily]
Right, right.

[Shep]
I thought she was a kid. Is it not a kid?

[Thomas]
Oh, is she a kid?

[Emily]
Oh, I-

[Thomas]
I imagined like a 20-something.

[Emily]
I imagined an adult. I was. Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
I was envisioning someone Victoria’s age, not so that they could fall in love. But, you know, I’m down for that.

[Thomas]
Right. So that they could like-

[Emily]
Because then she could believe in her, and that helps Santa believe in her somehow.

[Thomas]
Mmmm. I like that. Actually, if she’s a kid, that makes it easier for Victoria maybe to believe in her in that way. And then because Victoria is kind of a grinch, when Victoria believes in Kristina, it’s like, “Oh, my gosh, it means so much more. And the magic is stronger because of it. It’s a Christmas miracle.”

[Shep]
Aha.

[Emily]
Yes, I buy into that. So now we need to figure out just some plot points, maybe a lowest low. So we have the first act. Right?

[Shep]
The lowest low is she tries to- Maybe she gets the magic working and tries to demonstrate it for Santa, who really doesn’t believe in her.

[Emily]
Oh, and it won’t work in his presence.

[Shep]
And it doesn’t work in front of him and all the elves. And she’s truly despondent because Victoria’s not there. Maybe they had a fight or something. Because you know how movies are.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
The main characters have to have a fight before the end.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Miscommunication.

[Shep]
Yes. Before we get to there, though, Victoria follows the string of lights, finds this cabin in the woods. She goes through the door, and it’s bigger on the inside. It’s a whole world.

[Thomas]
I imagine she basically goes through and ends up in Kristina’s cabin in Christmasland.

[Shep]
Right. Okay. Does she startle Kristina? Does Kristina knock her out with a frying pan? Tangled-style?

[Emily]
Well, I mean, it would be startling in your nice, warm room, quietly working on your wooden Xbox. And then all of a sudden, there’s this, like, chick in there out of nowhere.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I imagine maybe Kristina is tinkering away. She has a workbench in her living room or something.

[Emily]
She’s got one of those, like, magnifying goggle things.

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah. And she’s working on whatever and has her back to the closet door where Victoria has walked in.

[Emily]
The wardrobe. Yes, we know.

[Thomas]
Yes, that’s right. So she comes through, climbs out of the wardrobe, and she sees a decorated Christmas tree. And it’s like something out of a Thomas Kincaid painting. Right? And she’s looking around and she sees Kristina and then does she say something? Does she knock something over? I mean, it’s a movie, so she would probably bump into something and create a noise that would startle Kristina.

[Emily]
Yeah, of course.

[Thomas]
Oh, did she trip on the Christmas lights? The string of Christmas lights that’s coming in to power something.

[Shep]
So I think she makes a noise, and Kristina turns around, and then Victoria tries to flee and then trips over the Christmas lights and knocks herself out. And this gives Kristina time to tie her to a chair with Christmas lights or something.

[Thomas]
And because Kristina is wearing those magnifying goggle things, when she turns around, her eyes are all big and weird and…

[Shep]
Yes. Yep.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Classic Hollywood stuff.

[Shep]
Yes. Is this too cliche?

[Thomas]
For a Christmas movie? No.

[Emily]
It’s fine.

[Shep]
It does feel kind of like it’s writing itself because we’ve seen it so many times. But it’s fine.

[Thomas]
This is what people want at Christmas, isn’t it?

[Shep]
This- This is just their first meeting. It’s fine.

[Thomas]
You want comfort and familiarity. See, we have to build up the established tropes so that we can knock them down as our film goes along.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
So.

[Shep]
Okay, you’ve convinced me.

[Thomas]
Okay, yes, I love that as a start, as their initial meeting. So she knocks herself out and presumably wakes up in Kristina’s bed. Does the same thing almost happen again? Like, Kristina’s gone back to work and now she comes out of the bedroom. Or is Kristina hovering over her when Victoria wakes up?

[Shep]
Well, here you can introduce a third character: Kristina’s assistant.

[Thomas]
Is Kristina’s assistant an elf or some other non-human character?

[Emily]
Of course.

[Thomas]
I mean, obviously it’d be a non-human. I mean, like an animal. Like, does she have like a rabbit? Or a reindeer or-

[Emily]
Right. A beaver.

[Thomas]
Yeah, a beaver actually is pretty good.

[Shep]
I was thinking it was a polar bear.

[Emily]
So gigantic and scary?

[Shep]
Yes, but he’s very friendly once you get to know him.

[Emily]
He’s actually a nurse.

[Shep]
I have a question: Do the people in Christmasland look like regular people, or are they different? Are they Claymation? Are they animated?

[Thomas]
Oh.

[Shep]
Does Victoria stand out from the natives of Christmasland?

[Thomas]
In that she’s taller than everyone else? I think so at the very least. But I do like that idea. You’re thinking like the Rankin/Bass-style claymation type of thing.

[Shep]
The claymation thing, yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, but she’s a human in that world?

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Man. I really like that. That’s another great reason for her to freak out.

[Emily]
Right. Everything’s all funky.

[Shep]
Right. Because then Victoria has to be disguised Monsters, Inc.-style.

[Thomas]
Isn’t the logger, hunter, whatever he is guy. Isn’t he human?

[Emily]
Cornelius. Yes.

[Thomas]
Cornelius, yeah. Maybe she looks like that and so she sees herself in the mirror and freaks out again?

[Emily]
I like the idea of her being like Roger Rabbit-style human, interacting with the claymation and then having to disguise her somehow.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Do we ever see the claymation people in the real world?

[Shep]
Hmmm. What’s our budget? Because probably not.

[Thomas]
It’s Christmas. We can do whatever we want.

[Shep]
In that case: Yes!

[Emily]
Okay, so we kind of need to establish a little more of what Victoria’s going through, right?

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
If the whole first act is before Christmasland…

[Thomas]
Is the whole first act before Christmasland?

[Emily]
I mean, it would make sense that the second act is Christmasland.

[Thomas]
What is the inciting incident? Because that needs to happen really early.

[Emily]
Yeah, well, she’s depressed and walking around. She finds the lights.

[Thomas]
Well, that’s why I feel like the inciting incident can be her going to Christmasland.

[Emily]
Right, right, right. Is she an alcoholic? Is she drunk out of her mind on eggnog? Booze-filled eggnog. Wandering and thinking she’s just going to end it all and walk into the wood, follow these lights into the woods, and just-

[Shep]
She’s gonna jump into the river and wish that she never existed.

[Emily]
And she’d never been born.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Oh, my god. Yeah. I mean, we could see her write a suicide note.

[Shep]
Oh, geez.

[Thomas]
And she, like, puts in her AirPods and pulls up her hoodie and is like trudging through town and then she sees the lights dangling down.

[Shep]
Oh, she’s on her way to the bridge where she’s going to jump.

[Thomas]
The lights go across the bridge?

[Shep]
I was thinking the lights before the bridge go the opposite way. And so she stops in front of the lights and looks towards the bridge and then looks into the woods where the lights go and hesitates. And it’s like, “Well, whatever, I’m going to kill myself. I might as well follow these lights into the woods. Maybe there’s an axe murderer.”

[Emily]
“Right. What is another half an hour to find out what the fuck is going on with these lights?”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
She has literally nothing to lose.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Bridge isn’t going anywhere.

[Shep]
Right. So what has made her so depressed? She lost her job, her boyfriend broke up with her.

[Thomas]
Was cheating on her.

[Shep]
Was cheating on her with her boss.

[Thomas]
Oh.

[Emily]
Her cat got run over by a car and her mother died and…

[Shep]
I don’t think everybody in her life has suddenly died all at once.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
I think maybe her parents were going to visit her and didn’t.

[Thomas]
Why not?

[Shep]
They thought she’d be fine because she has her boyfriend.

[Thomas]
Oh, no.

[Shep]
So she won’t be alone at Christmas and they would rather go to someplace sunny.

[Thomas]
Right. They’re going to Cancun or something.

[Shep]
Yeah, they went to Cancun. “Sorry we can’t see you this Christmas. Give my love to Steve.” Because she, she lives up in the northwest where it’s cold and snowy.

[Thomas]
Yeah. She lived in, like, Creston or something.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Ah, yeah. So, like, her parents have visited her the past couple of years because she’s been having a bit of a hard time. But this year things are going so well. But of course they haven’t. And they don’t know that because she’s been trying to hide it from them or is it’s all sort of happening in short succession.

[Shep]
I think it’s all sort of happening in short succession. I hate to be pro-suicide though, where like her solution is to go jump off a bridge. Do we establish that that’s what she’s going to do or is she just hitting the eggnog? She’s not an alcoholic, but she is drunk in this instance. That could be why she is hallucinating. Seeing this Christmasland, she’s like, “This isn’t real. I’ve just had too much whiskey. Or you’re a bit of indigested beef.”

[Thomas]
I agree that I don’t love the idea of suggesting suicide as any kind of a solution.

[Shep]
Especially for all these things if they all happen all at once.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
This is a short-term problem.

[Thomas]
Right. But that’s why I was going to suggest that it’s not, that she’s moved up there for some opportunity and she’s running out of money and whatever she’s been trying to accomplish, she’s not accomplishing. And so she got laid off. And…

[Emily]
Well, did she move up there on the promise of a grant and the grant fell through. Now she’s stuck because she’s got no money to move back anywhere.

[Shep]
Where are you establishing that she’s moving at the beginning of this? That’s new. That wasn’t in the original pitch.

[Emily]
Didn’t Thomas just say something about moved up there?

[Shep]
Yes. I’m asking Thomas. Where are you getting that from?

[Thomas]
My brain, like we’re supposed to on this show, we’re allowed to introduce new elements to my own pitch.

[Shep]
Yes, but you just. You said it as if it were already an established fact.

[Thomas]
No, I’m saying. I’m saying, like, I’m trying to give her reasons why, like-

[Emily]
To be super depressed? Right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
So, like, she had moved to the town in order to work for this organization based off of a grant that fell through.

[Thomas]
Or doesn’t get renewed. She’s-

[Emily]
Yeah. Okay.

[Thomas]
Because it’d be foolhardy to move in the hope that you get a grant. Like, they got the grant. And then year two, the grant is like, “Eh, we’re not giving it to you (this company) again.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
And they’re not financially solvent enough to remain open.

[Emily]
And the grant was to renew around Thanksgiving. So now she’s been out of work for six weeks. And, you know, grants don’t pay a ton, so she doesn’t have a lot stored up.

[Thomas]
Sure. Maybe she’s already been partially living off of savings this whole time in the hopes that it was supposed to pick up, things, were supposed to work out, and now it’s gotten even worse.

[Emily]
So that sets up a depression in her. That’s not ‘a man left her’.

[Thomas]
I mean, we can pile that on as well.

[Shep]
Yeah, I think Emily makes a good point, where, she don’t need no man!

[Emily]
Well, yeah. I think that while it’s a traditional trope and it’s not unreasonable, I feel like it also just establishes that her happiness and her success is based on a relationship with a man.

[Shep]
Right. Yep. You’ve convinced me. So it’s because her work or her life revolves around her work that she’s depressed.

[Thomas]
And I think that she needs to be a principal contributor to whatever this thing is, so she views it as a personal failing.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
“I couldn’t make it work. People were relying on me. Now it’s not just me out of work. It’s a dozen other people at this company who I’ve let down.”

[Shep]
Yeah. Now it’s properly depressing.

[Emily]
Right. And we talked about she doesn’t have the funds now to go home for comfort like a Hallmark movie, you know?

[Thomas]
Even if she did, her parents are going to be in Cancun.

[Shep]
Well, I was going to say it’s not her parents aren’t visiting her is she can’t afford to visit her parents? Is that what you’re saying, Emily?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
But why wouldn’t they come to her, if she asked? I think they would come.

[Shep]
Maybe she didn’t tell them. She’s keeping it a secret.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Instead of talking to someone. She’s-

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
She’s leaning into the depression and doing the depression tropes of not letting people understand, not letting people know.

[Thomas]
And this is not the first time she’s failed in a similar fashion.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Like, maybe she’s just trying to be this entrepreneur. Maybe this was- Maybe she tried this exact same thing in the States and it didn’t work out, and that’s why now she’s in Canada.

[Shep]
I mean, that adds a complication.

[Thomas]
What’s the complication?

[Shep]
That she’s crossing international borders for some reason. She could just be Canadian. I like the idea that it’s not her first business.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Shep]
And in fact, maybe she has a Zoom call with her parents where she is hiding the fact that the business has failed again.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And her father can say something like, “I’m really proud of you.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
“I didn’t think you were going to do it.” Because he didn’t believe in her. Mirroring-

[Emily]
That’s right.

[Shep]
How Santa feels about Kristina.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
He wants the best for her, but doesn’t think she has the experience to pull it off yet. And both of them want to prove to their parents that they can do it. So the whole thing could be a hallucination that Victoria’s having because it’s her story, but portrayed by Kristina and Santa Claus instead of her and her father.

[Emily]
And she woke up and it was all a dream and it’s Christmas Day.

[Thomas]
Oh, wait. It’s a Christmas movie where she gets depressed and wants to jump off a bridge and then has, like, a whole hallucination story. God damn it, there aren’t new stories.

[Shep]
Right. That’s why we’re not having her jump off the bridge, because that story has been done.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
And so then she goes back to the office Christmas party that she left stumbling out drunk, and it was like a big goodbye party. And it turns out all the employees have decided to pitch in funds. All right, well, let’s take a break, and when we come back, a hopefully much more jolly conclusion to our Christmas Lights story.

[Break]

[Thomas]
Okay, we’re back. So we have a start.

[Shep]
Okay. So my thought was: she is an entrepreneur. She’s trying to start another business. Her investors have pulled out. So it’s similar to she didn’t get her grant renewed.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
But the reason I’m having it as investors is she could pour all of her money into it. And maybe her co-workers, maybe they’re all in it together and they’ve pitched this idea to her like, “We don’t need investors, we can just do it ourselves.” And she is afraid to take that leap because she doesn’t believe in herself.

[Thomas]
And is this based on a previous historical failing?

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
She’s already tried to do this. Okay.

[Shep]
Her previous business failed. She doesn’t want it to happen again. Her father didn’t believe that it was going to work. So maybe they had a Christmas party because it’s the end of the year, but it’s also kind of a wrap up party because they’re not going to continue in the fiscal new year. So she doesn’t believe that it will work. Then she follows the string of lights and encounters Kristina who also doesn’t believe in herself. She’s trying to make this work and she doesn’t know what’s wrong. She doesn’t think it will work, and then it doesn’t work. And she’s right. So her lack of belief is being reinforced. So Kristina thinks it’s because Santa doesn’t believe in her, but it’s really because she doesn’t believe in herself. That is the overarching theme of the movie. So when Victoria gets back out into the real world at the end, she can agree with her co-workers who can’t do it without her because she’s got all this funding that she is going to pour all of her money into it and try to make it work. And they could even talk about how they need a miracle for it to work.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And it’s Christmas, and maybe she gets help from Kristina somehow. So that’s the setup. There’s no man involved. It’s just she doesn’t believe in herself, and as a result, her business is going to close.

[Thomas]
This is great. We should have taken a break 20 minutes ago.

[Shep]
So when she’s in the Christmas world, it’s not enough for Victoria to believe in Kristina for Kristina’s magic to work. Kristina needs to believe in Kristina.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I like that.

[Shep]
That’s the key. That’s the ending. Okay, now we’ve got Act One done. How much time do we have left? 16 minutes? Okay, let’s do acts two and three. So what are their adventures in Christmasland? Which should be the majority of the movie.

[Emily]
Right, right.

[Thomas]
Well, obviously, we get, like, a big tour of how it all works to establish the world and set the rules.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
So we see the magic, the Christmas magic happening?

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And maybe everybody has magic except for Kristina.

[Emily]
Oh, and she can make commentary about how she’s just a dud and they don’t know why. Just something in her is broken.

[Shep]
So, so bleak.

[Thomas]
Oh, maybe not everybody has magic. It’s only Santa. So the elves make whatever the thing is, and then he has to magic them all real. And this is a bottleneck in the production process. World population is going up, but throughput in the North Pole has remained the same.

[Shep]
Right. World population is going up, but is belief in Santa going up or is it going down?

[Thomas]
Ah. Yeah. And so his ability to convert things from wood to the real deal is waning or slowing down.

[Shep]
Right. And if she could do magic, then she could help.

[Emily]
Ah, right.

[Shep]
And he keeps telling her not to worry about it, like this is his problem to solve. And she’s just a little girl, so don’t worry about it. But she is troubled.

[Emily]
What happens without the magic? What are the consequences for Kristina never getting the magic? Does it dwindle belief further?

[Shep]
They’re passing the point of no return on lack of belief in magic, because if there isn’t any magic to demonstrate, then there won’t be any new believers.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
And so it’s at that tipping point where if it doesn’t come back soon, it will be gone forever, and Christmas world and our world will be cut off from each other. They’ll continue living on in their perfect world.

[Emily]
If they’re cut off from the, from our world and they still have the sustainable life, what… What do they care if belief is gone and they-?

[Thomas]
Yeah. I mean, what are the stakes? Right? Well, I mean, we established previously that is a major part of this. So like you said, without Santa Claus being able to do his magic, he can’t make the presents. If he can’t make the presents and deliver them, then that belief is going to fall apart completely and their world will cease to be. I mean, is it an existential threat for these guys?

[Shep]
Oh, geez. I would say, at the very least, the connection to the real world gets cut off when Victoria is in Christmasland at the beginning. This is the reason Victoria is trying to help Kristina: so she can get home.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
She doesn’t know Kristina. This is just some weird claymation kid. So-

[Emily]
Well, I think the altruistic nature of Santa being that he does this for free, this is his life’s work. The lack of belief ending that for him and for Kristina would be as devastating as the ending of the company for Victoria. Right?

[Shep]
Oh, you’ve put a thought in my head, which is what Victoria does is converts her entrepreneur company into a nonprofit. She’s giving up the goal of making lots of money and just building a sustainable business. And she gets that way through a conversation she has with Santa Claus because she’s all business-oriented. She’s like, “Why don’t you sell the toys?” Because the point of Santa’s toys is not to make a profit. The point of Santa’s toys is to bring joy to people. That’s his profit. If you need to put that label on it.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
He makes the world a happier place.

[Emily]
And without him and that going through, then the darkest time of year is the darkest time of year and nothing more.

[Shep]
Right, right. So if he gets cut off from belief and all that magic and the door closes, he’ll be fine in Christmas World, which will continue on. He’ll just be disappointed in us.

[Emily]
Would we lose that joy? Does it become all commercialized? Does Christmas end altogether?

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I think it makes our world worse.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Which he doesn’t want to do because his whole purpose is to bring joy to our world.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah, that’s enough for me. It’s a Christmas movie.

[Shep]
Okay. So Victoria and Kristina go around Christmasland. What do they see? What do they do? Victoria is helping Kristina prepare for her next attempt at magicking something for Santa and the board of elves or whatever it is that run Christmas. Run the workshop. And the elves that work for Santa aren’t slaves. They’re volunteers that believe in making the world a happier place.

[Thomas]
Sure. This is a hobby for them.

[Shep]
Right. They don’t do it all year long.

[Thomas]
And they don’t have to do it. They could have a podcast.

[Shep]
Right. So where do Victoria and Kristina go in Christmasland? What do they need? Now that they’ve been cut off from our world, what can they do to prepare Kristina for her next attempt at magicking a toy?

[Emily]
Well, do they go and observe others magicking things to see what their techniques are. What, like, does she go about it in a very analytical way of like, “Let’s see what works for others?”

[Shep]
Right. She’s scientifically oriented. Yeah. Maybe she goes to another workshop, because there are a bunch of places.

[Emily]
Of course.

[Shep]
She’s got friends that make toys or whatever that she has studied under multiple times. And so she goes and tries again.

[Thomas]
Does Victoria suggest making something less complex just to start?

[Shep]
Sure. What is a less complex thing that she can try?

[Thomas]
Tamagotchi? I don’t know.

[Emily]
Are we still on the Xbox or is it just the new fad toy?

[Shep]
It’s whatever would sponsor the movie.

[Emily]
Whatever sponsors the movie.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Right. The Xbox is just a stand-in. What is a classic Christmas toy that’s a step up from being a wooden duck on a string?

[Emily]
Slinky.

[Shep]
Slinky. That’s good because you can’t carve a slinky out of wood.

[Emily]
Not easily.

[Shep]
Oh, you can, but it wouldn’t work. Yeah. A doll? Maybe a doll that talks?

[Emily]
Yeah. Something with an extra component that isn’t just the three-dimensional shape that it is. Something with an inside of some kind.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Okay. I like the, I know it was my suggestion, but I like the doll that can talk because we can now use that to establish another character if the doll that can talk comes to life. So they do that as an experiment to magic something smaller. And it works. And Victoria says, “I knew you could do it.”

[Emily]
Mmm.

[Shep]
Establishing that Victoria believed in Kristina and now the doll has come to life and accompanies them.

[Thomas]
She has like, over-magicked it.

[Shep]
Yes, but that’s fine. It’s- She’s new to it, so-

[Thomas]
I mean, perhaps the magic was so strong because Victoria did genuinely believe in her.

[Shep]
Right. So now what?

[Thomas]
Do they take it to show the board?

[Shep]
Well, she has to demonstrate that she can magic it. She can’t just show up with a magic doll.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Shep]
Because that could have come from anywhere.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Shep]
Christmasland has been around for at least 10 years. I don’t know how time works. But she has to come in with a doll that’s not magicked and magic it in front of everyone. Also, Victoria has to be separated from her at some point before this demonstration can happen. Perhaps if she’s human in a claymation world, her helmet disguise comes off and she’s revealed. The guards capture her. If we’re still going with the Claymation stuff.

[Thomas]
Is there like a Christmas prison?

[Shep]
Yes, the bars are candy canes.

[Emily]
Candy canes.

[Shep]
Oh, wait, that’s Wreck-It Ralph, the Candy Kingdom. But yes, the, the bars are obviously candy canes.

[Thomas]
But it’s not like a bleak prison. There’s like a cushy chair and cookies in eggnog and…

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Right.

[Shep]
There’s a roaring fire in the cell.

[Thomas]
Right, right, right.

[Emily]
They could be more interrogating her than having her imprisoned because they don’t know what she’s there for, how she got there, what’s her business, you know, and that’s keeping her separate from Kristina.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
And she’s like, “I have a meeting to be to. Can we make this quick?” You got good cop, bad cop.

[Shep]
Good elf, bad elf.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
But like, he’s not very good at being bad elf.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
It’s like good elf, better elf.

[Shep]
Yeah, the good elf brings her cocoa with marshmallows, and the bad elf brings her cocoa, but no marshmallows.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
Okay, so Victoria is captured by the elf police, the Christmas guards-

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Who are very bad at interrogation, not that they have a lot of practice with it.

[Emily]
Right. But they are preventing her from going to the board meeting with Kristina.

[Shep]
Right. Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So Kristina is, like, waiting for her turn at the meeting, and she sees the big clock on the wall, and it’s getting closer to her time where she’s supposed to present. “Where is Victoria? Where’s Victoria?” And the polar bear whose name is-

[Emily]
Ferdinand.

[Shep]
Ferdinand? Ferdinand is out looking for Victoria.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So maybe even Ferdinand finds Victoria. And so Ferdinand goes down to the dungeon, I guess? The Christmas dungeon.

[Emily]
Christmas dungeon.

[Thomas]
It would be like the guest room or something.

[Shep]
Right. They call it the dungeon, but it’s-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So Ferdinand shows up and convinces the guards, who are elves, who are one-tenth the size of Ferdinand, that they should let Victoria go, and they do. And so you think that they’re gonna get to the meeting on time, but they aren’t. And in fact, maybe when they get there, the meeting is already over.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
So the audience just sees the attempt is going to happen, and then Ferdinand’s rescue of Victoria, and then they go to the meeting room, and it’s empty except for Kristina.

[Thomas]
Yep. Who’s all looking dejected and sad.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
And she still has the wooden carved doll sitting there. It clearly didn’t work.

[Shep]
Right. Yeah. And Kristina could go “I knew it wouldn’t work,” because that’s why it didn’t work. She believed that it wouldn’t, and so it didn’t. And no one was there to believe otherwise. And I think Santa knows what’s going on and is intentionally setting Kristina up to eventually believe in herself. That’s the kickstart you need to bootstrap your magic. So he can’t do it for her. It’s in her best interest to believe in herself. And he knows that because he’s Santa, and he knows everything.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So is this where Kristina and Victoria have a fight? Or is it later?

[Emily]
This would be a good point for them to have a fight.

[Thomas]
Yeah. The mid-second act turning point has to be Kristina’s magic works. And then the lowest low is, oh actually it doesn’t. And they have a fight. And does Victoria have some way to get back or is this also Victoria’s lowest low? Like, this is Kristina’s lowest low in that the magic didn’t work just like she knew it wouldn’t. And Victoria’s lowest low is “Without the magic, I’m stuck in Claymation world.”

[Shep]
Right. Having to wear a big Claymation helmet to pretend I’m Claymation.

[Thomas]
Right. Maybe she walks around on her own and we see more of the world.

[Shep]
Yes. She gets abandoned by Kristina, who leaves.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Because of the fight.

[Shep]
Because of the fight, and Ferdinand goes off with Kristina, and so Victoria’s left all alone in Christmas Castle.

[Thomas]
Oh, and she could just be wandering around Christmas world and it’s just so foreign. Like, everything’s weird and she’s huge compared to everyone else.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
She’s an adult woman.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Does she end up with Santa having the heart-to-heart where she learns that he’s- He knows what’s going on, but he can’t intercede because this is something Kristina has to do for herself?

[Shep]
Yes. So I figure this is where that conversation happens. But where does that conversation happen? Maybe Victoria has left the castle and is wandering the world and going through the town and seeing how everyone lives and comparing it to her life in her world. And encounters Santa, who happens to be at some cafe that she goes to because she’s so hungry. There’s no real food. She just wants a, you know, a BLT or something. But they’ve not heard of bacon.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
There’s no bacon in Christmasland, which is a deal-breaker. So she goes to someplace to get food. She doesn’t have any money, but they don’t take money, which is a foreign concept. So maybe you see her for a while and she’s hungry. And she finally goes in. She’s like, “I’m hungry, but I don’t have any money.” And they’re like, “What’s money?”

[Thomas]
So is she eating cookies and drinking eggnog in the cafe and Santa comes in, or she sees Santa there?

[Emily]
Yeah. He’s reading the newspaper, having his cup of cocoa and she sits at the table opposite.

[Shep]
Oh, he’s sitting at the window by the door, facing in. So she didn’t see him when she came in. Also, this is a cafe for elves. So I’m just picturing Santa-

[Emily]
Giant.

[Shep]
Giant Santa sitting at a tiny table.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Anyway, she gets her food and turns around and freezes because Santa’s there. And Santa gestures to the chair in front of him.

[Thomas]
Right. Because he knows everything. He knows she’s going to come in here.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
He knows what’s going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
Right. “Why don’t you join me?”

[Thomas]
“I saved you a seat.”

[Shep]
Yeah. They don’t have the food that she wants, but Santa has something that they can’t get there. And he’s like, “Oh, I got you (whatever it was that she had asked for earlier).” A steak or something. Because he gives presents. He gives people what they want.

[Thomas]
It’s like her favorite beef jerky that they only have in the town where she grew up.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Is it wrapped in a present? Is it- She’s like, “This is kind of extra.” And he’s like, “Look, it’s what I do.”

[Shep]
So, yeah, her favorite food is (insert corporate sponsor here).

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And he happens to have that.

[Thomas]
“Oh, my god. Kind bars!”

[Shep]
“Reese’s pieces?”

[Thomas]
“Ugh, more candy, though.”

[Shep]
Right. So it wouldn’t be that. So this is where they have their heart-to-heart. And maybe she’s still trying to pretend that she is a Claymation person. And Santa can ask her- Oh, she’s, she can’t eat because she’s got the mask on.

[Emily]
That makes sense. Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And so she’s like, “Oh, I’ll save this for later.” He’s like, “You can take off the mask if you’d be more comfortable.”

[Thomas]
And then does she. And all the elves are like “(Gasp!)”. Is Santa Claymation also?

[Shep]
Probably.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Because if it’s Rankin/Bass.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
He’s still larger than the rest.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Okay, so they have their heart.

[Shep]
They have their heart-to-heart. They talk about business, and Santa kind of sets her on the right path going forward.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And she’s trying to get him to help Kristina.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And he explains to her that he can’t help Kristina. Kristina can only help herself. Oh. And maybe they talk about what will happen if the magic goes away, if belief goes away. And Santa’s like, “I don’t believe that it will.” And she’s like, “It’s already gone away enough that I can’t get back out.” What is the reason that the magic got cut off? And Victoria needs help to get back out? Maybe it’s just as Christmas approaches, the magic is still there. It just got rerouted to some other location. It’s the final push of converting all the presents.

[Emily]
A well-meaning elf guard in the castle unplugged the string of lights and shut the door all the way.

[Shep]
Right. Because that doesn’t go directly into Kristina’s cabin. It just goes into Christmas World.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So, yeah, there’s a big gap between where the lights go in and where Victoria finds Kristina. And so, yeah, an elf guard could have unplugged the lights and closed the door, and the door doesn’t open again until Christmas. That’s when Santa comes out and delivers presents. So he’s like, “You just have to wait.”

[Thomas]
Right. He was, the elf guard, was doing the final checks leading up to the big push.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
And that’s on the checklist: Make sure the door is ready and unobstructed and he’s like, “Oh, this isn’t right at all.”

[Shep]
I like the idea that there are these cabins all over the world that are little doorways from Christmas world to our world. Which explains how Santa gets around so quick. He doesn’t travel all over the world.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
He’ll come out and deliver presents and then go back in and come out somewhere else. Much faster that way. There’s big gaps between cities where there aren’t anybody. So.

[Thomas]
That’s true.

[Shep]
So how does it resolve? Victoria has got her talking to by Santa, who told her all she needs to do is believe in Kristina.

[Emily]
So she has her heart-to-heart with Santa and then goes to find Kristina. But she knows she can’t just be like, “The secret is to believe in yourself.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Because that doesn’t work. So she goes and tells her her story about, you know, her company has failed. It’s the second time she’s failed at it and she doesn’t know what she’s going to do.

[Shep]
She does know what she’s going to do, because this is after her conversation with Santa. That’s her motivational speech with Kristina is: “My business has failed and I failed and I failed and I failed. But I know I’m not going to give up.” Because she’s already made that decision. She just needs Kristina to make that decision. And if she needs to think about it scientifically, “You know that it does work. It did work. You saw it work. You’re denying what you saw with your own eyes by believing it wouldn’t work. So just try again and it will work.” And then what?

[Thomas]
Must work.

[Emily]
Yeah. Then it has to work. And how does she show, where does it work?

[Shep]
They have to be prepping the presents for delivery, and a lot of them haven’t been converted yet.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah. Because Santa’s behind schedule as usual.

[Thomas]
Well. And the magic is weaker, so he’s not able to convert as many at once.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah. And they’re doing their elf calculations and letting him know, “Hey, we’re hitting a snag. We might have to delay some of these” or whatever. Does Kristina come in at that point and says, “Can I try one more time?” And then she does it?

[Shep]
She doesn’t ask. She’s Kristina. She’s like, “I have the solution.” Maybe she tries it in her shop and it works.

[Thomas]
Right. That’s what I was just thinking. Yeah.

[Shep]
And then she does it a couple more times and it keeps working.

[Thomas]
And she’s run out of carved wood stuff, so she runs to the factory to find more stuff. “Is it still working?”

[Shep]
Yeah. Oh, as she’s running, like other people that are carrying toys around that haven’t been converted, she’s just converting them on the way.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
And they’re like, “Hey, this was supposed to be a wooden duck on a string.”

[Thomas]
They turn into a real duck on a string, and they’re like, “What am I supposed to do with this?”

[Shep]
Yes!

[Emily]
Starts flapping away.

[Thomas]
And so that saves Christmas?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Sure.

[Thomas]
And then does Victoria get a ride back with Santa or- Because the doors can open up again, Kristina takes her to the correct door.

[Shep]
Oh. Kristina has her own sleigh.

[Emily]
Yeah. She got it for her 16th birthday.

[Shep]
That’s pulled by Ferdinand.

[Emily]
Oh, yes.

[Thomas]
Very good. Very good.

[Shep]
So Kristina gives her a ride home.

[Thomas]
Yep.

[Emily]
So they can have their heart-to-heart of “Thanks for believing in me.”

[Thomas]
And this is where we see the Claymation people in the real world.

[Shep]
Yes. Are we missing anything?

[Thomas]
I think at this point, we see that Victoria goes back to the company party.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And announces the new direction for the company.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
“It’s not a goodbye, it’s a Merry Christmas. Take a week off. We’ll see you in the new year. We’re going to restructure.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
“Nobody’s fired. Everyone still has a job.”

[Shep]
And you see Kristina looking in through the window.

[Emily]
And Ferdinand.

[Shep]
And Ferdinand.

[Thomas]
Okay. So they drop her off, and she’s running back through town, and she sees some kid and she’s like, “Boy, what day is it?” And he’s like, “My parents told me not to talk to strangers.” He just, like, runs off.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
“I was led to believe that would work.” Yeah, I think that’s pretty good. I’m happy with that.

[Shep]
Yeah. There are lots of gaps, but that’s what writers are for.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Indeed. Indeed. Well, we’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode about Christmas Lights. Did you find it illuminating or did we get all tangled up in the details?

[Shep]
Oh, we so got tangled up.

[Thomas]
Well, let us know by leaving a comment on our website, reaching out on social media, or sending us an email. Links to all of those can be found at AlmostPlausible.com Emily, Shep, and I want to wish you a very happy holiday season. We hope that you’ll join us in a couple of weeks to celebrate the New Year on the next episode of Almost Plausible.

[Outro music]