Almost Plausible

Ep. 17

BBQ Grill

24 May 2022

Runtime: 00:43:11

A pair of vegetarians attend a Memorial Day barbecue in their neighborhood that goes seriously awry. The couple watches as their neighbors slowly start turning into meat-loving pod people. It's a ridiculous horror-comedy that will having you craving burgers and kombucha.

References

Corrections

Thomas was trying to remember the name of a film and said he thought it was called The Governess, however the film he was thinking of is The Innocents.

Transcript

[Intro music begins]

[Thomas]
“Dude, you made it for six o’clock on a Friday. I don’t leave work until five o’clock. It’s a 30 minute commute. And then I got to get changed. I’m not rushing over here.”

[Emily]
“I would like to spend some time with my wife. I haven’t seen her all week.”

[Thomas]
“And then we had to fight in the kitchen for a while.”

[Shep]
“That was originally scheduled for Thursday but she couldn’t make it.”

[Thomas]
And then she goes, “Well, whose fault is that?”

[Intro music]

[Thomas]
Hey there, story fans. Welcome to Almost Plausible, the podcast where we take ordinary ideas and turn them into movies. Memorial Day in the US is less than a week away, and that means it’s time to fire up the grill for a weekend of tasty, smoky food. On this episode, we’ll come up with a movie all about a barbecue or possibly several barbecues. I’m excited to find out which it is. I’m Thomas J. Brown. And joining me are my always sunny co-hosts, Emily-

[Emily]
Hey guys.

[Thomas]
And F. Paul Shepard.

[Shep]
Happy to be here.

[Thomas]
It’s time to pitch your ideas. So who should we grill first? Emily. Why don’t you get us going with your first spark of creativity?

[Emily]
All right, so my first pitch is a young woman moves in with her aunt and uncle for the summer. They live in a small suburban town. She’s from the gritty city. She’s bored, sarcastic, and very cynical. A neighbor is always throwing barbecues for the block, cooking the meats on his custom grill. He’s in his mid 30s, very clean, well groomed, polite, mostly keeps to himself. His yard is pristine. She thinks “He’s far too normal to be normal.” And she’s right, because he’s a serial killer who disposes of his victims by cooking them on his custom grill and feeding them to his neighbors.

[Thomas]
So a modern-day Sweeney Todd?

[Emily]
Yeah, pretty much. Loose inspiration from The ‘Burbs.

[Thomas]
Or Fried Green Tomatoes as well.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah, I forgot that’s how that ends. Such a good movie.

[Thomas]
Spoiler alert for that- how old is that movie?

[Shep]
I hadn’t seen the end, so I’m not even joking. I’ve seen a lot of that movie, but not the end.

[Emily]
Well, it’s over 25 years old. All right. Second pitch is an HOA is throwing a block party.

[Shep]
Already I don’t like it because there’s an HOA involved. They better be the villain.

[Emily]
Yeah, just wait.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Emily]
An HOA is throwing a block party. One of the residents is desperate to get his hands on the best barbecue grill out there. He’s sure that if he can cook the perfect feast, the rest of his neighbors will elect him HOA President. And he can finally do something about that house down the block covered with tacky yard decor.

[Shep]
So he wants to abuse his position immediately and he’s trying to schmooze his neighbors.

[Thomas]
Now hold on. It’s not necessarily abuse his position. He could just be trying to enforce the codified rules that the current HOA beautification board is not enforcing.

[Emily]
Well, see, my thought was because HOAs are evil, so anyone who wants to be on an HOA board is extra evil. So no, he wants to make new rules so that one house gets screwed. Yeah, he’s abusing his power 100%. He’s not a good guy. The next pitch I have is a family reunion set in the backyard barbecue. Most of the intertwined stories take place near the grill. It could be a heartwarming story about coming to terms with family trauma. Could be a comedy about the woes and joys of the family. Could be a story where you find out the cousin Seth is really a serial killer and the ribs you just ate belonged to his ex-girlfriend. There’s lots of ways to go with it.

[Thomas]
Good call back there, Emily.

[Emily]
Yeah, I took a creative writing course or two. And then a mockumentary about a barbecue cook-off. And last and probably least, a heartwarming tale of a family man who sells propane and propane accessories. Oh, wait, no. So next, to one of you guys.

[Thomas]
Shep, why don’t you tell us what you have?

[Shep]
All right. First, pitch. A newly single woman. Maybe her husband died. Maybe he left her. I don’t know. Tries to build a barbecue grill in her backyard. It doesn’t go well. Ends up just buying one. Or maybe she tries to hire someone to do it. Maybe that’s a guy. Maybe it starts to do a romance or. I don’t know. I was thinking about this. Is this about the barbecue or is this just about her? And the barbecue is clearly an allegory for the child she aborted. And that’s why her husband left her. That’s why she has to buy one later because she adopted her daughter. It’s all metaphor. Never mind. Pitch number two.

[Thomas]
Wait, have you seen a film called A Town Called Panic?

[Shep]
No.

[Thomas]
It’s fucking amazing. It’s totally bonkers. You have to like movies that are just off the wall. Insane. Which I do. It’s a French film. I think it’s Panique au village is the I don’t know how to pronounce it properly, but A Town Called Panic.

[Shep]
Oh! Oh! Yes! The animated one where they go to buy bricks to make a barbecue grill and accidentally order 50 million bricks.

[Thomas]
Right. They’re trying to order like 500 bricks and they order 50 million bricks and the whole thing is just that’s just the beginning.

[Shep]
It’s so good.

[Thomas]
It’s so good.

[Shep]
Yeah, that’s the inciting incident. And the rest of the movie has nothing to do with it.

[Thomas]
It’s like their friend’s birthday. And they’re like, “Hey, let’s surprise him by building him a grill in his backyard.”

[Shep]
Yeah, their friend that’s a horse.

[Thomas]
Yeah-

[Shep]
And they’re… what is it, an underwater diver and a cowboy or something like that?

[Thomas]
Something like that. They’re little, like plastic toys.

[Emily]
I have to see this movie.

[Thomas]
It’s so good.

[Shep]
I highly recommend it.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Oh, my gosh.

[Shep]
Panique au village. I remember when you mentioned it in French, like, “Oh, yes!”

[Thomas]
Trying to build a barbecue in the backyard reminded me of that.

[Shep]
All right, pitch number two, it’s a barbecue grill that pod peoples people. Whoever eats meat that’s been grilled on that grill becomes into grilling, and they get other people to eat meat off the grill, and they become into grilling, and everyone’s going pod person, except for the vegetarian that was at the first barbecue, that can see what’s happening and tries to stop it.

[Emily]
Do they eventually catch on and start grilling vegetables and try to get them to eat those?

[Shep]
Maybe that’s how it ends, is they grill the Impossible Burgers.

[Thomas]
That’s similar to an idea that I had that I didn’t end up developing because I had no idea where the story would go. But I had this image in my head of infinite into the horizon tracked housing, like all ticky tacky little houses, right. And in every single backyard, there’s some guy out there barbecuing, and there’s just one house where the person isn’t doing that. I didn’t know what story would come to that, but that was an image I had in my mind. Emily, you mentioned a mockumentary about a barbecue cook-off, and I had pretty much the same idea right away. Competitive grilling is a thing, and people get really into it. There’s money and pride on the line, so the stakes are high. And so I was thinking a mockumentary style thing along those lines. So I had this stupid idea 20 years ago in college, and it has never left my brain, and I don’t know why. I don’t even know how I thought of this in the first place. It’s a street race that involves groups of people running down the street while simultaneously trying to grill a specific dish.

[Emily]
Oh, my God. I remember this.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Did we have a conversation about it 20 years ago?

[Emily]
We did. I remember when you came up with this idea. Yes.

[Thomas]
Yes, because we talked about trying to film this. Anyway, the people have to time it just right because once they cross the finish line, they have to immediately hand their food over to a judge. So it’s not just about who crosses the finish line first, but whose food turns out the best. And I just like the idea of a bunch of people running down the street with lit barbecues. Originally, I envisioned this as a college or Greek life sort of thing, but it doesn’t have to be. It could just be, maybe there’s a small town that does this.

[Shep]
So is this a competitive thing? Are you imagining this like a sports movie where there’s a training montage?

[Thomas]
Yeah. Sports movie.

[Emily]
They work on their timing and their prep and everything.

[Thomas]
Definitely. Yeah. My last pitch is not a fully-fledged idea, but more just a series of questions that I thought were kind of interesting. I was trying to come up with an idea that was an animated movie with an anthropomorphic grill. And so I was trying to come up with, what would the story be? And these questions are what came to mind. So is a grill only alive when its ignition source is lit?

[Shep]
No. Haven’t you seen The Brave Little Toaster?

[Thomas]
I have not, actually. It’s on my list. So does it retain its memories across lightings? That’s assuming it is not alive between. Is it aware of how much time has passed between lightings? Again, assuming it’s not aware. What if a grill had preferences about what was put inside of it? For example, what if the grill was vegetarian? How would an older grill feel about being replaced with a new one? How would a charcoal grill feel about being replaced by a propane grill?

[Shep]
Obviously, the charcoal grill is going to be a snob about it because propane grills-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
“How would an old girl feel about being replaced?” is the lamp commercial from Ikea, the Spike Jones… “Many of you feel sorry for this lamp, but that’s because you are crazy. It has no feelings. It’s tacky. And the new one is much better.”

[Thomas]
All right, I think that’s all of the pitches. What’s standing out to us?

[Emily]
I like the pod people grill.

[Shep]
Well, I also like that one.

[Emily]
I like pod people movies. They’re always fun.

[Shep]
Yeah. And this could be just like a pod people homage type movie where it’s camp and tongue in cheek.

[Thomas]
So what is the impetus for this to start? Is it like aliens or a virus or something?

[Shep]
Oh, don’t explain it. Explaining ruins things. Explanations ruin movies, you heard it here.

[Emily]
Yeah. Just one guy throws a barbecue, and he’s just really into grilling, and he invites the whole neighborhood over.

[Shep]
Yeah, you don’t need an explanation. You don’t need “The barbecue girl was left out in the rain and it was struck by lightning and it got cursed by a hippie” or-

[Thomas]
Those hippie curses. You’ve got to look out for those, they’ll get you. All right. How does it end? Does the vegetarian end up getting sucked into it? Do they just leave?

[Shep]
Oh, no. Well, if it’s a horror movie, it ends how all horror movies end. They do something. They grill up non-meat burgers and feed it to the people, and then they come out of their barbecue mania, and you think that they’ve won. And then it ends with that guy finding, “Oh, he’s got leftover wings in the fridge. These were wings that were grilled on the original barbecue while it was pod peopleing people.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And if you establish earlier that even leftovers caused people to still be pod people-

[Thomas]
It’s just food or meat that was grilled on that grill.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Doesn’t matter how old it was.

[Shep]
So that’s it. I think we’re done. Roll credits.

[Emily]
What strikes your fancy, Thomas?

[Thomas]
I like that one. I don’t love the stupid idea from 20 years ago, but maybe if we explore it, it’ll get out of my head.

[Shep]
That never works, by the way. They just become larger and more complex.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I know what’s going to happen is I’ll have that thought of like, “Oh, yeah. Now I’ll finally be able to sleep at night” or whatever, and I’ll just be laying in bed, going deeper into scenes, coming up with more detail.

[Emily and Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
You would have been like, “We should have done this-“

[Thomas]
Yeah. “I should have said this on the podcast.”

[Shep]
“If I listen to the song, it will get out of my head.” That has never worked.

[Thomas]
No, not once.

[Emily]
Montage from Easy A.

[Shep]
Yeah. Well, great. Now I have that Pocket Full of Sunshine playing in my head. Thank you, Emily.

[Emily]
You are welcome, Shep.

[Thomas]
Sweeney Todd was very popular, is still very popular.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas[
We could do a modern take on that, would be kind of interesting.

[Shep]
Why is he doing it? Because there’s a shortage of meat or-

[Emily]
No, he just likes to kill people.

[Shep]
Just like killing.

[Thomas]
Gotta hide the evidence somehow.

[Shep]
It doesn’t really hide the evidence, though.

[Emily]
No, that’s the extra kicker for him. He gets even more pleasure out of watching others unknowingly eat his victims.

[Shep]
Yeah, but people doesn’t taste like beef. So what is he pretending it is?

[Emily]
Pork.

[Shep]
Okay, then that would work. How does he get rid of the bones?

[Thomas]
He grinds them and makes bread.

[Shep]
He’s a giant. Did we not mention that?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Obviously. He separates them. He keeps him in a pile in his basement. He’s not a smart man. I never said he was smart.

[Shep]
Well, he’s not hiding the evidence then. He’s just collecting the evidence in a big pile.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
They’re collecting the evidence.

[Emily]
Do you not know how serial killers work? Most of them don’t hide the evidence.

[Shep]
The ones that get caught didn’t hide the evidence.

[Emily]
This is true. Actually, of mine, I think the family reunion one is a good frame for a story, whatever kind of story we want to go with.

[Thomas]
It’s definitely easy to add a lot of interesting characters.

[Shep]
Yeah, but then it’s not about the barbecue. It’s just about, “Hey, we have this framing device.” I guess a lot of our stuff can be that way.

[Emily]
Well, yeah. And I was thinking back in the good old 90s with independent filmmaking, what it was that I had this idea that it would be back to my film school days. It would just be a static scene of the barbecue. So everything would take place around the barbecue. So the barbecue would be in every shot, basically.

[Shep]
No, you got to do it like, two of the people meet earlier, it’s a male and a female, and they’re attracted to each other. And then they go to the barbecue and discover they’re cousins. And then the first grill, something’s wrong with it. They’re either propane or it broke or something. And they need to go buy a whole new grill. You can’t just buy charcoal and put it on a propane grill.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
That’s not how it works. They need to buy a new grill because there’s no propane because it’s a small town and the one place that sells propane is closed for Memorial Day weekend.

[Thomas and Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So then it’s still about the barbecue.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
But like, they send the two people off to go and get the stuff and now they’re spending the day together.

[Emily]
We have it set in 2021, Memorial Day weekend 2021. So people are starting to come out of the pandemic. There’s the whole shortage crisis going on. They can’t find any other barbecues. All right, we need to pick one, guys.

[Thomas]
What else happens in this story?

[Emily]
Another couple breaks up.

[Shep]
Why would you wait till a barbecue to break up?

[Emily]
They don’t wait until the barbecue to break up. It just happens at the barbecue. Tensions have been building and they come to the precipice at the-

[Shep]
That’s the thing that you would talk about in private afterward, like a mature person. Oh, are they not mature? Is this why they’re breaking up? Okay, never mind, it makes sense.

[Emily]
Yeah. Not everyone is mature and fully developed, Shep. Maybe they’re teenagers.

[Thomas]
Alright, so it sounds like it’s up between the pod people one and the family reunion one.

[Shep]
Could do both, could start it as a family reunion and also it’s pod people. Let’s compromise, so nobody wins.

[Emily]
I say let’s go for pod people. We haven’t really done a horror movie, right?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Have we not done any horror movies? I don’t remember anything we’ve done.

[Emily]
We’ve done fantasy, sci-fi, magical realism.

[Shep]
Okay, so horror movie. When do you introduce the fact that it’s a horror movie? How far into it?

[Thomas]
I mean, typically do it right away. Right? There’s like an upfront scene.

[Emily]
Well, there’s two ways to go with it. You can do the upfront scene where we know right off the bat this is a horror movie. Or you can do the slow reveal to about up to a quarter of the way through. You think it’s a normal, everyday kind of a thing.

[Shep]
I like the slow reveals. I mean, I don’t like horror movies, so maybe don’t take my opinion on any of it, but I much preferred Get Out where it’s the very long, slow burn before the reveal. Before that, it’s just a little weird. A little off.

[Emily]
I think for this story, that’s going to be the way to go because everything’s just perfect, but just too perfect enough. Very Stepford Wives, which is just, again, a little bit off.

[Thomas]
When you want that feeling of a barbecue that’s just sort of an everyday cool, normal, chill thing, very relaxed. And then…

[Emily]
We start out with a couple who’s getting ready to go to the barbecue down the street.

[Shep]
Because it’s a horror movie and that’s how all horror movies start now, is a couple getting ready to go somewhere.

[Thomas]
Do we see her boobs? Do we get that out of the way just right in the first scene?

[Emily]
New horror movies don’t always show boobs.

[Shep]
What? Why do you even watch them?

[Thomas]
Yeah, I guess I don’t watch them either way. But.

[Shep]
Yeah, that’s true.

[Thomas]
You’re going to have to take the lead on this one because neither of us watch horror movies. I’ve seen some, but-

[Emily]
Because Scream ruined that for everyone. The big busty boobs running around. Although you don’t see boobs in Scream.

[Thomas]
So they doubly ruined it.

[Shep]
It turns out you could just see boobs on the Internet these days. So you don’t need to watch horror movies anymore at all.

[Emily]
Yeah. You don’t need to be-

[Thomas]
I don’t want to have to be on the Internet while I’m watching the horror movie. I want to be able to do one thing at a time but still get the boobs.

[Emily]
No, you don’t have to be scared to see boobs, is what he’s saying.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
You can see boobs without fear now. You can either start with, say, the couple getting ready to go, having the conversation.

[Shep]
No, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’m saying I like that as a framing device.

[Thomas]
Is this our vegetarian?

[Shep]
Yes. You got to start with the vegetarians. They’re bringing hummus to the barbecue.

[Thomas and Emily]
Yup.

[Shep]
Classic, which I don’t know why that’s a joke. Hummus is delicious. I don’t know if people haven’t tried it.

[Emily]
Hummus is delicious.

[Shep]
It’s amazing.

[Thomas]
Love hummus.

[Shep]
Where was hummus my whole life?

[Thomas]
Right?

[Emily]
All right, so we got the vegetarians making hummus, going to the barbecue, having a discussion about whether or not they should bring some portabella mushrooms in case they want to have a burger.

[Shep]
I mean, you don’t need mushrooms to have a burger. There’s plenty of non-meat burgers these days that are amazing.

[Emily]
Perhaps that’s part of the argument. She’s like, “But I really want a portobello mushroom.” He’s like, “But then we have to stop at the store and we already have some-“

[Shep]
Wait, they’re vegetarians and they don’t have portobello mushrooms at their house?

[Emily]
They ran out.

[Shep]
They’re bad at being vegetarian.

[Emily]
They ran out. They haven’t gone to their shopping yet. It can be all part of the conversation.

[Shep]
Yeah, that’s good. “Where are the portobello mushrooms? I want to take some.” “We had them all last night. We had the last of them last night.” Oh, no. One of them had the last of it last night because he came home late. It’s obviously the guy that fucked it up. We can all just agree that… He worked late. He came home late. He helped himself. So she’s already mad that he’s working late all the time now she’s mad that he ruined her plan, that she didn’t tell him that she was going to bring portobello mushrooms to the barbecue.

[Emily]
Checks out.

[Shep]
Just assuming that he’s psychic and he would know.

[Emily]
And he’s like, “Well, we have these impossible burgers.” And she’s like, “It’s not the same.”

[Shep]
“I don’t want a burger. What part of that do you not understand? I don’t want a meat replacement. I’m vegetarian.”

[Emily]
“They’re really good. You can’t tell they’re vegetarian.”

[Shep]
“I don’t want hamburger. You’re telling me that it tastes more like a thing I don’t want to taste.”

[Emily]
So we get to the protago- or, the pod BBQ house.

[Thomas]
Do we need anybody else outside of the barbecue first?

[Emily]
Oh, yeah. Do we want to?

[Shep]
Well, are we focusing on the couple? I figured that if it’s a horror movie, we’re just focusing on the two of them and their adventure through the day or the weekend. It’s a three day weekend. So they’re going to a barbecue- or they’re going to a Friday afternoon barbecue before a three day weekend.

[Thomas]
That’s totally a conversation they have to be having. Like, who does this?

[Shep]
Right. “We have how many barbecues this weekend? And we’re vegetarian. So-“

[Emily]
“Why are we even going? Why can’t we just stay home?”

[Thomas]
“Why did we agree to this?”

[Emily]
“I’m on the HOA board. It’ll look bad if we don’t show.”

[Shep]
Tie it all together.

[Thomas]
So this person that the house that they’re going to wants to have a barbecue. Okay. So there’s somebody who this is like their weekend. Everybody in the neighborhood knows this guy has a barbecue on Saturday. New guy in the neighborhood is like, “I’m going to undercut him and have my barbecue on Friday evening.”

[Shep]
That’s not undercutting. I can go to two barbecues in a weekend. He’s not ruining anything. I figured they would keep seeing the same barbecue grill as they go to different barbecues over the weekend. And people start acting weirder and weirder.

[Emily]
What is their weirdness besides just being, like, really enthusiastic grillers?

[Shep]
They all take a bite at the same time.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
They’re all hive mind.

[Thomas]
Like coordinated, synchronized.

[Shep]
They all keep saying the same three phrases over and over again to different people.

[Emily]
We’ve got to come up with great catchphrases.

[Shep]
And you can start that just stuff going on in the background during the first barbecue. Like you don’t even make a big deal out of it.

[Thomas]
Right. You just hear someone going “Tender and juicy.”

[Shep]
On a second watching you’ll catch all that stuff that you missed the first time.

[Thomas]
Yeah. “Grilled to perfection.” That’s two.

[Emily]
“That’s a nice cut of meat.”

[Thomas]
“Do you want some more?” “Can I have some more?” “Please, sir!” No.

[Emily]
“Beef, it’s what’s for dinner.”

[Thomas]
Then Rodeo starts playing in the background.

[Shep]
It doesn’t have to be beef, though. They could be grilling chicken wings.

[Emily]
Chicken, chicken wings.

[Shep]
Sausages.

[Emily]
Ribs.

[Shep]
As long as it’s meat. Do they figure out what’s happening? Do they figure out how it’s happening, and why is it only meat? Do we get an explanation or do we save that for the overly long explanatory sequel that ruins franchise?

[Thomas]
Probably. Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah, I vote for that. We collect our money and let them ruin it. That’s how I like to operate my fake movie empire.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
There’s like a somber tweet that’s like, “Look, guys, we really liked this thing, and we just can’t get behind what they’ve done with it. It’s not our story anymore.”

[Emily]
I don’t think we should explain it. I think it should just be- because you’re right. Whenever you explain it, it’s just dumb. It takes you out of the story, and you’re just like, meh, because it’s never a good enough explanation.

[Thomas]
You just end up with midi-chlorians and it’s like-

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
You’re explaining something nobody needed to have explained.

[Shep]
These midi-chlorians need to be, you know, how certain things need to be processed by nature. They need to be eaten by a bird and then pooped out into the water, and then a fish does whatever. They need to be heated to a certain amount and then ingested. And they harbor in meat. So that’s why it has to be meat they wouldn’t harbor in portobello mushrooms.

[Emily]
Great.

[Thomas]
Yeah. There’s some sort of a protein that they latch on to.

[Emily]
There we go. That works.

[Shep]
Yeah. So now we know what it is and we don’t have to explain it in the movie.

[Emily]
We don’t have to tell anybody about it because I was going to say, the only time it worked in a pod person movie for me was The Faculty.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah.

[Emily]
It was just because the way the reveal was of who was the actual alien was such a good pod movie. So the first night, the couple don’t notice.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
It’s a bunch of meat eaters. They don’t care, and they’re not paying attention to what’s going on. They just kind of want to get out of it.

[Shep]
Also, a lot of them aren’t pod people yet.

[Emily]
Sure.

[Shep]
At the beginning of the barbecue. They’re their friends that are just regular friends and talking about whatever, you could set up other stuff. “Hey, are you also going to Steve’s barbecue tomorrow and Mark’s barbecue on Sunday?”

[Emily]
Can we have an annoying neighbor friend who, he doesn’t eat the first night because he’s got a gout flare up. So he’s like, “Oh, no, man, they’re eating beef. I can’t touch that tonight. The gout is acting up.”

[Shep]
Yeah. You got to have a guy that gets like, pod personed by the people. They tackle them and they force feed them sausages.

[Thomas]
Sausages…

[Shep]
To show that it’s a threat, that it’s a real threat, and it’s not just “Oh, no, thank you. I don’t want to be pod personed today.” No, it doesn’t matter if you refuse, they’re going to find you, and they’re going to get you.

[Thomas]
Is there a little kerfuffle or some sort of a weird incident that happens at that first barbecue? Something for our main characters to notice and talk about and think, “Oh, that’s kind of weird.”

[Shep]
I don’t think that they notice anything at the first one. Unless the guy talks about his grill specifically. So they notice the grill, and then he talks about how great the grill is. And then at the second barbecue, when they see the same model or even the same exact grill, they’re like, “Hey, that’s what’s his name’s grill.”

[Emily]
I think that’s a good call for the first one to have him be like, “Look at this new grill I got. Top of the line, blah, blah, blah.”

[Shep]
“It’s got a big bed for charcoal, and it’s got a small grill on the side for propane in case you want those gassy flavored burgers.”

[Thomas]
So bean burgers.

[Emily]
We can rotisserie three chickens.

[Thomas]
Yeah. So they go to the next barbecue, and they see they’re like, “Oh, you got one of these too?” And he’s like, “Oh, no, Steve, lent me his.”

[Shep]
“I liked it so much.”

[Thomas]
Yeah. “Way better than my grill.”

[Shep]
Yeah. “You should try it.”

[Thomas]
Yes. “It’s also tender and juicy.” So when they initially refuse meat, are the pod people just sort of okay with it at first and then become more aggressive later?

[Shep]
Yes. As their numbers grow, they are free to become more aggressive.

[Thomas]
That makes sense.

[Emily]
Do we notice the children becoming calmer, more restrained at each barbecue?

[Shep]
Oh, yeah. That’s good, because they’re running wild at the first one, and then later, they’re all sitting at the kids table, all eating simultaneously.

[Thomas]
I saw this movie. I can’t remember the name of it off the top of my head. I want to say, like, I’m going to say that it’s The Governess, but I don’t think that’s right. One of the things I noticed watching this film was anytime things got really creepy, there was, like, this unsettling feeling, and then all of a sudden, it would be, like, really loud. And I realized what happened was they were slowly fading down the diegetic sound, and then all of a sudden, it would come crashing back in. And it had this really interesting effect, but what that really demonstrated to me was how impactful, not just sound, but a lack of sound is for creepiness.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
And so I like the idea that the first barbecue, you’ve got the kids running around screaming, people talking. There’s music playing, stuff is happening, laughing. All these different things that are happening. And as it goes on, the barbecues are becoming quieter. The kids aren’t screaming. They’re not playing music. People aren’t talking. They’re all just standing there eating meat or whatever.

[Emily]
I would like the progression of the music to go from modern day pop music, a good mix of everything, to just like that 50s sort of bossa nova sound to just nothing.

[Thomas]
Just nothing, yeah. Well, it’s time to flip the burgers. So let’s take a quick break, and we’ll see you on the other side.

[Break]

[Thomas]
All right. We’re back. We’ve got our vegetarians who are trying to avoid the pod people at these very meat-centric barbecues.

[Emily]
How many barbecues do they go to before they figure it out or before they realize there’s a problem with the neighbors?

[Thomas]
I think a good question to start to answer that would be at what point do the numbers turn to where the pod people can be aggressive? Is it a Saturday night thing? How much time do our main characters need to be in peril?

[Shep]
So if it’s a four day weekend or three day weekend and they start barbecuing on Friday.

[Thomas]
That gives us three days plus one barbecue.

[Shep]
Right. So by Saturday night they’ve had two barbecues. So after that, they can be more openly aggressive.

[Emily]
So by the third barbecue, they’re force feeding the guy with gout, the sausages.

[Shep]
They do that Saturday night.

[Emily]
Okay. But our couple has left before that happened, so they don’t see it.

[Shep]
So by Sunday they know that it’s weird and maybe they escape from the Sunday barbecue that’s just openly pod people. But their friends have been pod personed. They want to rescue them. Their last chance is the Sunday- or is the Monday, the Memorial Day barbecue. So that’s when they show up with their, I don’t know, salad shooters? What are weapons that vegetarians would have?

[Emily]
That’s an excellent question. Their hoes and rakes.

[Shep]
Yeah. Fighting with hoes and rakes. We already did that.

[Thomas]
A bottle of Kombucha.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
So are we only having one barbecue on Saturday or should we have two on Saturday? Like a lunch and a dinner?

[Emily]
Doesn’t that seem excessive?

[Thomas]
Yeah. But I mean, that’s kind of part of the point.

[Emily]
Sure.

[Thomas]
Like it gets crazier and crazier as time goes on. And that’s part of what they’re talking about at the beginning is like, “Oh, my God, how many of these are there? Everybody has to have their own barbecue.” Or maybe some of them aren’t even in that neighborhood, which actually that occurs to me. Why don’t they just leave the neighborhood? Like, what is preventing them from calling the police or going somewhere else?

[Shep]
Call the police and tell them what? That our neighbors are super into grilling on Memorial Day weekend?

[Thomas]
You can say my neighbor attacked me. That would get the police to come.

[Shep]
Did the neighbor attack them or did the neighbor really just try to force them to eat meat aggressively suggesting it not like holding them down and shoving sausages in their mouths like they did to the other neighbor.

[Thomas]
So they call the police when they say, my neighbor attacked me. So the police come.

[Shep]
Oh, the police have got to come and eat some of the barbecue.

[Thomas]
Exactly. Yeah.

[Shep]
Oh, yes. Yeah.

[Emily]
The cops come, and the guy is very polite, very kind, and says, “Oh, officer, would you like a burger while you’re here for your trouble?”

[Thomas]
And then the cop turns.

[Emily]
He shows up at the next barbecue.

[Shep]
He’s still in uniform.

[Thomas and Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
They’re all still wearing the same clothes.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Their clothes should not change. So one of the things I was thinking, too, is that maybe Sunday morning they go to Church and they notice, like half the people or more are not at the service. They think, “Oh, that’s strange.”

[Shep]
Or they’re Catholic and they go to Catholic Church and everyone’s robotic anyway and saying the same thing all together.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So they don’t notice anything out of the ordinary.

[Thomas]
Is the Church having its own barbecue?

[Shep]
The Church is like saying, “Hey, we’re going to have a barbecue after this service.”

[Emily]
The original barbecuer is a Deacon and stands up and says, “There’s a barbecue following services today.”

[Shep]
It doesn’t have to be, he’s pod personing other people. He’s pod personed someone at the Church. Now the Church is going to spread it. If it’s, if he’s already a Deacon, then it’s not a surprise later.

[Thomas]
Should we not call attention to it? But at that first barbecue, you see the priest is just in the background of one of the shots.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah. Do a bunch of stuff in the background of the shots.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Like at the second barbecue, half the kids are sitting at the table eating in unison, and the other half are trying to get their attention to come and play. And the kids are not responding and don’t call attention to it. It’s just a thing happening off in the background.

[Emily]
Right. You have the good kids who are going to eat their dinner like their mom and dad asked and then the bad kids who are going to throw a fit until you get them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

[Shep]
And because you got them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, they didn’t have anything grilled. They’re going to keep misbehaving. Am I against this or am I for this now that I’m-

[Thomas]
So I like that they’re trying to help their friends. Maybe that’s strong enough reason for them not to just bail on the neighborhood. Or perhaps the pod people get aggressive enough that they block off the roads with their cars. Nobody can get in or out.

[Shep]
Well, it’s a gated community.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah. There you go.

[Shep]
They block the gate.

[Thomas]
And they’re doing patrols.

[Emily]
Because the big Monday barbecue is a block party held at the park in the common grounds.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah. That’s good because everyone’s going to be there.

[Emily]
And they’re blocking it off so people can’t- so people don’t drive down the street and run over the children.

[Thomas]
Is there a scene where our main couple acts like pod people to fit in?

[Shep]
Oh, sure. Like Shawn of the Dead or like any of the other many times.

[Thomas]
It’s a pretty standard, yeah.

[Shep]
So. Yeah, that’s where you can have them saying the catchphrases they’ve noticed everyone saying.

[Emily]
Does one of them turn-

[Shep]
No, you’re breaking my heart.

[Thomas]
I was thinking that earlier. I don’t know.

[Shep]
No. Oh, when they’re pretending, when they’re pretending to be pod personed, that’s when they’re using the meat substitute burgers that she keeps railing against.

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Shep]
And I’d like it if she’s just like, “It’s actually really good.”

[Thomas]
No, she’s got to say “It’s so tender and juicy” or whatever the catchphrase is, she’s like, “Damn it.”

[Shep]
“Grilled to perfection.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
I like “grilled to perfection” because as everybody gets quieter and more subdued it’s that false idea of suburban perfection.

[Shep]
Oh, if it’s a call and response, if “grilled to perfection” is a response to some other or “How are you liking that burger?” That’s the catchphrase.

[Thomas]
“How is your burger?” “Grilled to perfection.” Or, “How is your (insert thing here)?”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
“How are your wings? How is your hot dog?” “Grilled to perfection.”

[Shep]
Yeah, it works for everything.

[Emily and Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
It’s also a good title.

[Shep]
So when almost everybody’s pod personed… So whoever stand, who’s doing the barbecue, like at the third barbecue or whatever, is like “How is everyone enjoying the meat?” And everyone says “Grilled to perfection” simultaneously.

[Emily]
Like they’re at Church going “And also with you.”

[Shep]
Yes. We need to throw that Church seed in there so that it’s all. So it rhymes.

[Thomas]
Over the course of the weekend, we have more and more people turning into pod people, which means that there is a diminishing number of regular people. But that there are regular people. Surely some of them are also noticing what’s going on.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
What are the interactions that our couple has with those people? How do they try to work together? What ends up happening to those people? I mean, I think that’s a really good way to keep ramping up that tension is, “Oh, there are the Johnsons.” The Johnsons are like, “Would you like some tender and juicy (whatever)?” They say the thing, and they’re like, “Oh, no!”

[Shep]
Or you got to have a family that doesn’t eat beef. But like, the dad turns out to have been turned. So they know that he was having beef at the first barbecue. He’s caught, and so his wife is like, smacking him and he’s not responding because he’s a pod person.

[Thomas]
What is their goal? The pod people.

[Shep]
To survive? They just want to live. They just want to live their lives. And that means taking over the entire gated community. So they have a breeding ground.

[Emily]
It’s just trying to live and replicate.

[Shep]
Yeah. Aliens are going to come and harvest all the pod personed people at the end, there’s going to be a UFO. It’s going to make no sense. Wasn’t there a zombie movie with Bill Murray where a UFO shows up at the end and it’s like, what the hell am I watching?

[Thomas]
Is there?

[Shep]
Yeah. What’s the name of that movie? It’s got Bill Murray. He’s a Sheriff.

[Emily]
Oh, The Dead Don’t Die.

[Shep]
The Dead Don’t Die. That’s right. Iggy Pop as a zombie. So there are other families, other couples, other people that are maybe also vegetarian or just don’t go to the barbecues or-

[Emily]
Some of them didn’t show up to the first one because it’s Friday night their kid had swim lessons so they couldn’t go.

[Shep]
Right. It’s a work day. There’s going to be more this weekend. We’ll catch the next one.

[Thomas]
It’s been a long day, a long week. I just want to go home. I’m not having a barbecue at my house, so I’ll just grill something at my house on my own grill. Is it the grill that’s twisted? That’s the cause?

[Shep]
Well, are we explaining it, or are we just..?

[Thomas]
Well, I think there has to be some-

[Emily]
Well if it’s the same grill at every barbecue, if we’re having the grill move from barbecue to barbecue then it has to be the same grill. It has to be something in the grill doing it.

[Thomas]
It may not be. It could just be there’s something that the pod people are doing to the meat. We don’t know what it is. We know that it’s meat. So just don’t eat meat. And you won’t become a pod person.

[Shep]
Or it could have been something inside the grill that’s coming out when it’s lit and it’s getting on the food and it’s latching on to the meat. Could go either way. So do you want it to be about a specific barbecue grill or do you just want it to be about barbecues in general?

[Thomas]
If it’s the specific grill, there can be a really nice scene in the first barbecue, maybe they do have portobello mushrooms and they take them and they grill them on the grill. And so later when they see the grill and they start putting things together, they’re like, “Oh, no, we ate something off of that grill.” And then they realize, “Oh, but we didn’t eat meat.”

[Shep]
Yeah, that’s good. And you can also have them explaining why they’re late and the barbecue’s in full swing by the time they show up because they have to stop and get portobello mushrooms.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Wait, are they stopping on the way there or. I thought this was in the same gated community. “We had to leave and get portobello mushrooms and come back. That’s what took so long. Even though we live across the street, we had to go to the grocery store.”

[Thomas]
It could just be that like, “Dude, you made it for six o’clock on a Friday. I don’t leave work until five o’clock. It’s a 30 minute commute. And then I got to get changed. I’m not rushing over here.”

[Emily]
“I would like to spend some time with my wife. I haven’t seen her all week.”

[Thomas]
“And then we had to fight in the kitchen for a while.”

[Shep]
“That was originally scheduled for Thursday but she couldn’t make it.”

[Thomas]
And then she goes, “Well, whose fault is that?”

[Shep]
I would like it if they had to leave to get portobello mushrooms and come back, because that shows the gate was open at the time.

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Shep]
And then later when it’s closed, someone can even say, “Oh, the gate is malfunctioning.” That’s what they say. “Oh, something’s wrong with the gate.” “Good thing we went to the grocery store earlier.”

[Emily]
“Can’t get anybody out until Tuesday.”

[Shep]
Right. It’s a holiday weekend.

[Thomas]
How does the cop get in?

[Shep]
Don’t ask questions. I mean, he just walks in the gate. You can walk in and out.

[Emily]
Yeah, he walks around it.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Shep]
You can’t take your car in.

[Emily]
And that’s just inconvenient for escaping pod people. You can’t just walk away from them.

[Shep]
And then call an Uber when you get to the street.

[Emily]
No.

[Shep]
No, it’s impossible.

[Thomas]
I’m sure whoever ends up writing this can figure out why they can’t just walk out or jump the fence.

[Emily]
Well at that point in time I think maybe there more pod people kind of monitoring the border.

[Thomas]
Yeah. I guess by the time they realize what’s going on, they should try to escape.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
I think they do escape. And then they have to come back to get their friend. They’re making the conscious decision to return to that situation. How do they cure the pod people of being pod people?

[Thomas]
Do they?

[Shep]
There has to be a way, because you want the happy ending before the reveal that it’s not over.

[Thomas]
Yeah, you’re right. In order for that reveal to be any sort of a real threat, one of two things needs to happen. Either the cure is complicated or limited. So that it’s like, “Oh, no, all of the-“

[Shep]
“All the kombucha. We’re out.”

[Thomas]
Exactly. “It was this one brew of kombucha. We didn’t save any for the SCOBY to make a new batch.” Or the leftovers need to leave the gated community. Because the people who have the knowledge of how to cure it are in the gated community. So if it goes out somewhere else-

[Shep]
So you just have someone that had gone to that barbecue but didn’t live there, then took leftovers home.

[Thomas]
But then I don’t think it can be the grill that’s causing it.

[Shep]
Well, if they’re taking the food that was cooked on that grill and that’s what spreading it.

[Emily]
But how will it spread after-

[Thomas]
Right. Whoever eats it will get podded. But then that’s it. If they can’t spread it.

[Shep]
Right. That’s why you have a few years between movies. They needed to reconstruct the grill.

[Emily]
Yeah, because I was going to say we just have them destroy the grill if the grill is the problem so that’s part of taking care of- that’s part of the end solution.

[Shep]
They can destroy the grill, but that doesn’t cure the people that are already podded.

[Emily]
No.

[Thomas and Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
They need to do both. They need to destroy the grill so that no more people can be podded and cure the people that have been podded.

[Emily]
Could it be as simple as their kombucha? I think that would be hilarious.

[Shep]
No, I think that would be funny. Is this a comedy or not? People could be resistant to kombucha because they don’t like kombucha because they don’t like hippie granola, whatever.

[Emily]
Because probiotics are evil.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Yeah. The probiotics in the kombucha counteract whatever the-

[Emily]
So it can be any probiotics.

[Shep]
The antibiotics that are in the meat.

[Thomas]
How do our couple convince the pod people to drink the kombucha or take whatever the cure ends up being?

[Shep]
They can’t because they’re pod people. So they could mix it in with something and maybe some of them can drink that, but then they have to get the rest with squirt guns. Try to squirt kombucha in their mouth. Because then you have your action scene with guns, except they’re squirt guns.

[Thomas]
The kids are playing with Super Soakers at the beginning of the film.

[Shep]
Yes!

[Emily]
Yes. So every time they go to take a bite-

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah. When they open their mouth, it’s boom, hit them. I like that.

[Shep]
You got to kombucha the kids first to get them on board.

[Emily]
Yeah, because they’re better shots.

[Shep]
They have all the practice.

[Thomas]
Well, plus you can have them run around very easily. They’re quick, they’re small. They know all the hiding spots in the neighborhood.

[Shep]
How do they figure that out? That is a kombucha. Someone ate meat and also drank kombucha and wasn’t podded.

[Thomas]
Oh, he’s not vegetarian.

[Emily]
The husband?

[Thomas]
Yes. He ate meat at one of the barbecues but also drank kombucha. He had a burger behind her back.

[Shep]
It’s like the thing I was saying about the other family.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
But it’s him.

[Thomas]
Both of them together. They’re in it together. He’s like, “Meet me behind the garage in five minutes.” And he brings it.

[Shep]
Meat me behind the garage.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Hey. And he brings burgers and he’s like, “Oh, God, you have burgers?” And he goes, “Grilled to perfection.” But it’s not a pod one yet. It’s just a nudge.

[Shep]
But you think it is because you said the line.

[Emily]
I love it.

[Thomas]
Well, you don’t know at that point that that’s one of the lines because it’s the first barbecue. Maybe. So then the friend turns because he did not drink the kombucha. And we see that the guy comes back to the girlfriend. She’s, or wife or whatever, she’s like, “Where have you been?” “Oh, I was with Jeff. We were just chatting.”

[Emily]
She accuses him of smoking. “Have you taken up smoking again? You promised you were going to quit.”

[Thomas]
But he’s like, “Oh, can I have some of your kombucha?” And she’s like, “Fine.” He drinks it, thus counteracting it. Yes. Okay. Do we have a complete story?

[Emily]
I feel like we haven’t complete enough.

[Shep]
I mean, there are more things that you could flesh out, the names of the characters and what they do and what the actual scenes are. But we have the framework. We have the skeleton for sure.

[Thomas]
Well, that’s good, because we’ve been doing this for about an hour, so.

[Shep]
Oh, well, then let’s stop. Time’s up. I think we got it.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I feel like we’ve got it and it was a bit of a slow start. I’ll admit.

[Shep]
I don’t like horror movies, but I would probably, I might watch this one.

[Emily]
I would really enjoy this one.

[Thomas]
I don’t mind horror comedy and this feels like that, so. Well, we’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s show. Was it straight fire or do you want to rake us over the coals? You can let us know via email or social media. Links to those can be found on our website AlmostPlausible.com Puns aside, you like this show, right? Have you told anyone about it yet? We hope you’ll take a moment this week to do just that. But how should you do it? Well, that’s up to you. Maybe you’ll post about Almost Plausible on social media. Feel free to share our posts by the way. Perhaps you’ll talk about it the next time you’re out on a date. Or maybe you’ll tell the clerk at the supermarket all about your favorite episode while they ring up your groceries. Telling people about the show is like eating a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. There’s no wrong way to do it. Thank you in advance for helping us to get the word out about the show and thank you for listening to this episode. Emily, Shep, and I will return next week for another episode of Almost Plausible.

[Shep]
Is Reese’s a sponsor?

[Outro music]

[Shep]
What’s the one where they’re going to a cabin in the woods?

[Thomas]
Is it called The Cabin in the Woods?

[Shep]
No, it’s just a couple, and like there’s a big apocalypse thing, there’s like an alien invasion or something, but they miss it because they’re in the woods. Do you know what I’m talking about?

[Thomas]
This sounds familiar.

[Emily]
It sounds familiar but I can’t-

[Shep]
Oh, golly, I can’t remember the name of it either.

[Emily]
That’s one of the ones I missed.

[Shep]
How are we going to reference this-

[Emily]
I do fair with the Googling.

[Thomas]
I don’t know, Shep. It’s your reference. You have to figure it out.

[Shep]
Dang it.

[Thomas]
Don’t reference things you can’t back up.

[Shep]
Just sit silently until you can remember everything and then bring it up after the conversation has moved on.

(It was Save Yourselves!)

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